goo'morning
I am not sure where to start. Yesterday I saw some friends for lunch.
I felt totally agressive while eating but kept it under wraps. Kept pleasant
and social though I fear I can be a little overbearing as I can be intense!
F- it! though it went fine and it taught me somethings. At least I tried to learn from it.
As we were sitting there - I tried to think in terms of how I was effecting people
which seemed to give momentary positive vibes - - I tried think about the idea that
we are all meeting up at some levels in life but not all. That quelled my agitation and fear as well.
I came home from lunch feeling still oddly agressive.
I talked to my Dad and I felt like I couldn't connect well with him either.
I read the following from my therapist's email to me yesterday afternoon:
"Alas, relationships take 2 so we cannot always craft the ones we want--it is a dance we are doing with another, with whom we have litte control. We do not manage the whole field...."
That email message helped a lot too.
I am also going to say that I feel aggressive this morning and without any kind of plan. That 'go go' energy
in my body and mind just helped me decide to just take a shower, dress and go get a Starbucks...splurge!
I think I need to revisit the idea that we're all different - and that we're all doing as my therapist
said we are doing...dancing and maybe doing a little combat too.
I'll think on the good things and focus on peace and just taking care of the here and now.
Blue's in the other room. Time for a cuddle with him...and then on to making the bed, doing
the dishes...etc..
Replies
Sending good vibes. The aggression may be a call for action. But within reason and awareness of how your behavior impacts others.
I gotta say, you have a pretty rare relationship with your therapist to be getting emails on a Sunday afternoon. I have never been that close with a medical professional. That’s the sort of thing I focus on in interpersonal relationships. We are all at different levels, so if that helps you then that’s good. But I guess I’m raising my hand that maybe the heavy reliance on your therapist is maybe something you start channeling into interpersonal, non-medical places? Don’t throw anything at me - just my thoughts! Haha
I disagree, we have a great rappor and she really helps me a great deal and is a touchstone for helping me perspectivize.
She encourages the emails since she knows it's something that I like.
i'll second the notion that the aggression may a call to action. in my own psychoweirds, i typically feel bursts of aggression when my old comfort zones have become to confining for me.
i'll also second the notion that awareness --insofar as such is possible-- of how my behavior impacts others is important. as your therapist said, we don't manage the entire playing field. i don't get to know what goes on inside of other people, but i still try to be considerate.
Thanks Arfie