good vibes today
I went down to chapel this morning -
as I wrote in my last journal. Service went
well. My teacher/nun was kind of bossy with me
but I know we're all dealing with a myriad of things in our lives.
I guess I just want to say that - because -as the morning behind the iconostasis
progressed - my eyes were both on me and the priest and her the teacher nun ...I realized
that it was such a blessing to look at them with the idea that they're all going
through something different and indeed I started to see that....and the beautiful
thing is I started to appreciate them in their beauty and complexity. I was thinking
about how they seem to really thrive in the religious environment and I appreciated (as it seems different
from me but truly we all have diferent relationships to our callings) - and in fact - like
me - they miss their cues and marks at times. But I thought about how art is an area
that I really am equipped for - but I am hoping that even more, I will grow into the role here at the monastery ....
We then went into trapeza (which is the mealtime cafeteria) and I started to look
around at all of the men whom I was seated with. All different faces - all different complexities -
I kept on assuming I was not liked - much like I had been in the service - but I threw that thought
out - and just started to see that each of us - (me as well with my ruminations and head complex)
that we were each dealing with our vulnerability in a different way in life. It really opened
my eyes to appreciating them as well and not let my vulnerability spin a crazy self fulfillilng prophesy...
Vulnerability is such a truth in life - I sense -
I came up to my room for the family zoom call - after the meail - and I could assuage Blue's feelings - his vulnerabilities
for being alone without me for the morning - and he calmed down and relaxed in my hands.
Such a good boy and a cutie pie.
I hope you guys are doing well.
Be good to yourselves!
I'm going out this afternoon to Westminster.
Talk soon,
mark
Replies
my questioning/analytical nature, enhanced by my questionable childhood conditioning, carried the comparative aspects of my analytical nature to psychotic extremes. my constant comparisons were inhibiting my progress horrifically. as my recovery progressed, one of the richest gifts i received was the ability to see individuals as individuals, each individual complete with a complex life tapestry of his/her own. it carried me from the psychotic need for certainty to the endless joys of discovery and peace with the vulnerability of my own ignorance. what is ignorance but an opportunity to discover?
westminister? get me singing roger miller. . .
"maryland swings
"like a pendulum do
"bobbies on bicycles
"two by two
"westminister abbey
"and the tower of big ben
"the rosey red cheeks
"of the little children."
oopsie. . . i reckon roger miller was singing about england. . . details, details. . .
Thanks Arfie! Beautiful response!!
My therapist uses the phrase ‘we’re all plodders.’