Good vibes
i sent this to my friend J who I have known since 1981.
hi j, i hope things are good with you. Things are pretty good here.
I've been here at the monastery for nearly a year and a half.
It definitely has been an amazing growthful experience.
Today i am finding my expectations for life or the hopes that have been lingering
in the background are changing. It's fulfilling to be here and yet I am also
recognizing that I don't have much control over my time or pursuits.
I know that sounds maybe obvious - but today I feel really independent of
my family - and whereas at one time i would have thought about validation
from some 'expected people in my life and or things to have' it's all taking on
a new emotional color. I'll be ready for the good moments when they
come in whatever form and rejoice and delight in other people who visit and reside here.
At one time in my life I was a really
physical - sexual person- but now I am just starting to delight in other people
and their personalities and their kindnesses.
It's maybe a weird thing right now - maybe weird is not the correct word.
But I do feel like my life has a different currency for satisfaction. The goal
may be ambiguous but perhaps as one person put it - it is the journey.
The old stuff I mentioned is melting away. I don't know where this all is going
but so far so good. Again maybe just the journey is what I'll focus on.
Have a good week ahead J!!
xo
Replies
After I wrote that I then came to pick up the new priest to take him out
And I feel ‘shot down’.
But what I have been starting to think about is the nature of us and not just the nature of myself and others but together.
Everyone has their way of doing things and imparting that on the people around them.
I’m keeping up the fight with the monastics and hierarchs and getting my word in no matter the attitude of domination. I am making room for myself:-)
I am also starting to see myself as just one of many and that as a young person I saw things in terms of grace and iconography. Now I’m growing beyond that and appreciating things differently.
I do have a tendency to have a sense of fight and power in some terms but I’m realizing this is just the fight of life.
I think you are right and it is about the journey and how we treat each other in the relationships we form. Everyone has an ego, especially those in power but I always forgive them for they know not what they do......God Bless
Thanks Bob!! (((Hug)))
i don’t know what I’m gonna do, I get so anxious around the new priest.
Never knowing what to happen too
I know I’ve gotta make peace with this.
I sent him a prayers and good night message
Hopefully I’ll get used to it all
Just maybe reframe it with the perspective that things are going to be done a different way now.
I’ve got to find the freedom I need when I’m back in my room.
Can I ask what made you feel 'shot down'?
I'm sorry that you're feeling anxious around him
It's nice that you offered him prayers and a good night
I think it's normal for all of us to mesh more with some than others
The people we don't feel as close to particularily in communal living we can simply be polite to and available when necessary
If he's a fairly new priest time may help more of a friendship flow and grow
Big hug sweetie...xo
Thanks Jan!