Good resolution

I have something in me that undermines me and takes away my tools for coping. That and difficult moments can do that to me. And so I have to relearn to cope again at those instances and that takes time. It gives me different perspectives on the same thing for sure, for taking care of my work around me, myself and others.And so it's wisdom added to the pile of my history of experiences.

At the monastery there are those who can say and do things to me and around me at a moment of my weakness and feebleness and I can’t respond. I just watch it all happen and I can’t believe they think they represent God or Christ. There’s no self policing at times when they deal with me. I think ‘they have to live with the ugly person they are.’ I have my limits as a person. I think I’ve tried to be accommodating in general, some folks may see that as weakness. I could push back,a bit. I was brought up to think about the group. I see how that can be a signal to some to ensnare me in their web or manipulative dalliance.

Again I have something in me that undermines me and takes away my tools for coping and so I have to relearn self management and that takes time. I wish things were different. I wonder if I’d be more suited to live in facility or special community. It must be hard to deal with me, I'm so grateful for my family and friends and Blue. I think I should thank God too. I'm still here and so grateful!