Good night
i found myself beleaguered by the irritations of dealing
with that nun who drives me crazy as well as our friend the
abbess who seemed so hell bent on having a fight
tonight.
I hung in there - being true to my maintenance. I started
to fracture a bit - and like knives inside me the feelings
of irritation with my friend the abbess and the sister
who drives me crazy - and I just kind of held onto my insides though
I wanted to react - I found myself remembering
my place here and didn't put myself in jeopardy
and I reminded myself of my savings project which is in a
good place. I am determined to take it to a better place.
I told myself that we were all thinking different
things and we have different struggles going through our minds
so I just focused on the job I had at hand.
Then the end of the evening changed and we all mellowed at the end
of prayers- I was thinking maybe we all have mixed emotions about
our friends at times. One thing I love about here is that it is very
idiosyncratic - we all have this monastery as a way to deal with the issue
of intimate relationships - and yet though it can be really nice - it also can
be really bad - and for some reason - there are moments I really like
curmudgeonly argumentative moments and all.
Replies
My therapist sent this response to the above message:
Most of us live in the gray--we know the good and bad of the people in our lives--and roll with it--just what you are learning to do--s
Big hug sweetie
I'm glad that you were able to think it through and find a sense of calm in the end
and were also able to think about what you valued about your life st the monestary
Wise words from your therapist and wise reaction my friend..xo
Thanks Jan!