good morning sunshine

I have often felt trapped within the moment - trapped by my feelings of

 inadequacy and ability or even sense of how to support myself with a kind of self validation..

but now I kind of realize that I must do this to a certain extent while

not becoming blind to others' feelings and challenge at hand. It feels a little bit like a catch 

22 - the self validation is almost blinding to a clearness and creates

a kind of muddiness....kind of like the grim warning of 'self abuse is blinding'

that you hear from old wives tales.

I think sometimes we may feel the duality of who 'we are' and who 'we should be' as they collide,

like being in touch with our natures and then also knowing to keep interpersonal

and strong enough, wise enough and clear enough to care about the next person

and their struggle as well... 

Self defining for me has often triggered a kind of extreme behavior ...maybe it's part

of the nature of bipolar and schizoaffective disorder - but for now I am realizing

the great swing of the pendulum within me that goes from self definition (self reassurance)

and then to a selfflessness to 'other-hood.' The observation has helped me change course...Gratefully I am experiencing

a sense of integration and calm. An ability to be social....I am starting to realize how to be myself in the context of

others... a mix, and integration!

Although I am alone at the moment I know I truly appreciate and need

having someone in my life helping to tell me, remind me, who I am - and likewise I own and cherish that same humanity wirh others...

I am starting to see that at the times I have have felt uneasy about myself when I try to move forward in life...

that is when I don't seem to have a structure to it - and like a motivation - and like a sense of permission