I was feeling pressure during the service today as I had to teach a native arabic speaker, who speaks broken english,
how to serve. It's been a few times we have worked together. I usually start out fine - energetic, focused and compassionate.
But then honestly - as the long service goes on we both become a bit fatigued, stressed, and snippy.
I usually feel that's a failure for me to conduct something not with grace or perhaps maturity - but
I rolled it around in my head today. When we were in the coffee room after service, I brought up
how good he is doing. I also said "I know it's a lot of pressure for you....pressure for both of us!" We laughed
and got to talking about it - and the happy discussion changed the alien feeling of disorder to one
of humanity and normality!
I also thought about my life a bit when coming back to the rectory. Things are going well here - in the sense that - I am able to make
peace with my life when I am not around many people- I am gaining motivation to do independent things. I think at certain times during my day and my life, it can be a struggle to see the positive nature of my successes if I feel I only see they are very modest. But I am wrapped up in this community right now - it's taught me about life love and self acceptance
a great deal - and I have made peace with my place in the world, while also coming to understand what pains me
when I start change my sense of security about my life.
I know we all have to keep ourselves safe in life, but I also feel like it may have been my illness which renders me so
selfless at times that I haven't had the strength or confidence to calmly understand my place in the world while appreciating the bigger world when I've been alone.
That's changing - and I do now have a kind of set of tools, an awareness, of what's eating me.
Replies
Good Morning! I'm glad it has been a productive one. Your consistent motivation is inspirational. Have a marvelous Monday and rest of your week. Hugs!
thanks Susan! Your kindness and beautiful soul inspire as well!! :)
I was feeling pressure during the service today as I had to teach a native arabic speaker, who speaks broken english,
how to serve. It's been a few times we have worked together. I usually start out fine - energetic, focused and compassionate.
But then honestly - as the long service goes on we both become a bit fatigued, stressed, and snippy.
I usually feel that's a failure for me to conduct something not with grace or perhaps maturity - but
I rolled it around in my head today. When we were in the coffee room after service, I brought up
how good he is doing. I also said "I know it's a lot of pressure for you....pressure for both of us!" We laughed
and got to talking about it - and the happy discussion changed the alien feeling of disorder to one
of humanity and normality!
I also thought about my life a bit when coming back to the rectory. Things are going well here - in the sense that - I am able to make
peace with my life when I am not around many people- I am gaining motivation to do independent things. I think at certain times during my day and my life, it can be a struggle to see the positive nature of my successes if I feel I only see they are very modest. But I am wrapped up in this community right now - it's taught me about life love and self acceptance
a great deal - and I have made peace with my place in the world, while also coming to understand what pains me
when I start change my sense of security about my life.
I know we all have to keep ourselves safe in life, but I also feel like it may have been my illness which renders me so
selfless at times that I haven't had the strength or confidence to calmly understand my place in the world while appreciating the bigger world when I've been alone.
That's changing - and I do now have a kind of set of tools, an awareness, of what's eating me.
It's so nice that you've been able to help the new Priest and enjoy humour after an anxious moment
It's nice to recognize and appreciate our tools
Big hug sweetie...xo
thanks janet! you are so right!