Good morning
It's so important to have a purpose or a responsibility in life.
i woke up this morning and felt so aimless. But I remembered the idea that life is about taking care of life and keeping it going. The whole fact that I have something to take care of (taking the car to the service center as well as work) really helped me to regroup and get on task and feel healthy.
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I think if I had a family to take care of I’d feel more focused but my family is Blue and the sisters. I guess even then I’d like to have a vacation:). Ah weirdo me.
I’m still waiting for my car. I’ve been having ideas that I really want to talk to my therapist about. Maybe I just want a partner to go through life with who we can help each other sort through our experiences and feelings each day…
Maybe it’s as simple as that.
I think I keep on trying to make sense of the way I think. It’s a way to combat the feelings of weakness insecurity as well as the lack of buoyancy my therapist mentioned.
I think I need to relate to someone and help someone in turn to metabolize process and navigate our experiences each day. Throughout the day too. Maybe we’re all looking for a way to affirm ourselves to relate to something or someone to tell us who we are. For me I tend to think sometimes in a way that’s relating to the hate I feel from or judgment I sense from others but I can’t (and I am learning not to ) let that be the loudest voice. It’s like the emotional connection with strangers sometimes yield suspicion and paranoia and yet I know and try not to make that the reality. I know I can make positive connections. I think we can sometimes define ourselves in terms of how we think people are thinking about us but we need
To be strong enough to know that we’ve each relating to each other and giving each other a kind of affirmation when we’re sharing space.
Today in the car service center these older country guys we talking and they included me politely in their conversation. Just real good folks. Then when they left, I wanted to reach out to someone but I tried to think about god as my affirmation and it made sense and helped. It made me aware that I was reaching out. Maybe it’s something to live with … this kind of reality.
I like the way you work through your problems and end up with a positive attitude. Have a good day Mark.
Thanks Becky!
"We can sometimes define ourselves in terms of how we think people are thinking about us...."
That's true. And, it's so easy to engage in mind-reading. In reality, we have absolutely no idea what anyone is thinking of us, unless they tell us. Even then, perhaps they aren't being truthful. Most times, people aren't thinking about us at all; they are wrapped up in their own lives.
I understand the longing for connection. That's how we humans are wired. Hopefully, it helps a little having friends here. Hugs.
Thanks Judy!! Indeed you guys help so much!! Xx
I heard something very interesting on a British drama on pbs the other night. It resonated with me. A person talked about that we have an ideal self from how we learned as we grew up and then an authentic self. If there is too much of a disparity between the ideal self and authentic self it can manifest in a way that is bad for us.
I know I struggle with things if this sort in that I want to be considerate and measured but then inevitably I fall back into being a kind of impulsive imp.
I think I might be on the spectrum as sometimes it takes a lot of energy to keep a sense of how to process all the emotional information coming my way, but also that’s what a daily ‘download’ is for at the end of the day. That’s what my sister calls it
I think there are ways to channel and harness all these questions when you find the right outlet for it.
For now, its this! I think it will be positive to grow to another place (it can be friends too and not solely a life partner!)
We all deal with loneliness at times. The connections we make in it all matter - but yes - it takes practice and risk at times. Which can be scary but doesnt have to be!!!
Thanks Nikki!!
I’m finding for myself is that my understandings of life bring me peace. If I focus on them, I am calm. I can’t always access them (ie when I question them and struggle with myself) but that is usually an instance when I grow.
I need the peace and simplicity of this life or in life to be able to manage all this. I feel with a sense of peace and what brings it to us, we can move forward and create our lives. Things are good!!
I’m finding with being able to move forward with my independent life, the simple act then of asking myself ‘what do I need to do to survive today?’ really completes a kind of puzzle
You do approach much like a puzzle! As long as it’s satisfying and is working then don’t worry!
I tend to have an energy or buzz that not everyone cares for. It’s gotten me dissed by many, many people. But i won’t let it curb my curiosity because without, I feel completely empty by the thought of not being myself or sharing myself. If we can be authentic, then I hope the authentic connections will find your light and want to be near it.
Despite all the hurt, it’s important to feel valued by people who accept you for who you are. I do hope you find people like that Marko.