good days and bad days

I went to work today and for some reason, a lot of the customers were grouchy

with me - it was odd - 

I felt kind of injured when I came home. Just aimless and licking my wounds

so to speak. 

I reconciled the whole thing while I was at work as some days you have good days

and some days you have not so good days. I just seemed to be able to hold

the two poles within myself and get on with the day.

So I came home and just was so grateful for the home I have, for the small world

I occupy -

I saw an old friend yesterday with her husband and another friend of theirs

and it was like heading full steam into the socializing olympics - they're so smart

and downright geniuses.

I just usually have felt like I need to have some ultimate incarnation of my life

for it to be ok - 

but today- after yesterday - and this morning at work, I am so grateful

and blessed to have the small, safe, life that is my life - and providing for my life

now is seeming to be more about providing myself that safety rather than

accumulating things - things - things. - or achieving some big manifestation, actualization.

I don't shop that often

but I guess with the humility I feel right now - and the gratitude -

a life ultimately at the monastery doesn't need to be my goal - 

I can have my own cozy life - right here - right now.

Merry Christmas!! I'll turn on the Christmas music!