Good days ahead. . .
This weekend was very nice! It was the first time that I felt close to being "normal" again. We had really nice weather and I was able to get outside some, and feel the sunshine. I am struggling a little with feelings of guilt over feeling better, like I am forgetting my baby by doing so. I know that this is "normal" (whatever that is) and that it's OK to feel happy and to move on. For some strange reason though I just can't bring myself to change my little yellow face to a smiling green one yet, but I think I will work towards that. I guess I am a little afraid of having to make it yellow (or heaven forbid red) again, and that would not feel so good.
I also have to say that my counseling session went well on Thursday. Last week was easier for me though, and I felt almost guilty for talking to her when I was having a good day; like it wasn't necessary or something. It was nice to be able to talk to someone and be able to say anything. She also gave me some hope, as she is 3 years out from her MC and said that while you never forget that it becomes more manageable. She gave me some ways to manage my grief and I am going to try them out this week. I get two more sessions before I can go to group if I choose. Not sure what I will decide, but it's nice to know that I can talk and meet with people if I need to.
Here's hoping that this week will feel better than last week. . . it's all small steps. . .
I also have to say that my counseling session went well on Thursday. Last week was easier for me though, and I felt almost guilty for talking to her when I was having a good day; like it wasn't necessary or something. It was nice to be able to talk to someone and be able to say anything. She also gave me some hope, as she is 3 years out from her MC and said that while you never forget that it becomes more manageable. She gave me some ways to manage my grief and I am going to try them out this week. I get two more sessions before I can go to group if I choose. Not sure what I will decide, but it's nice to know that I can talk and meet with people if I need to.
Here's hoping that this week will feel better than last week. . . it's all small steps. . .
Replies
So happy to hear that you\'re feeling better (I think we can allow ourselves that!), enjoyed the warm weather and that your session went well!!
Sometimes it\'s nice to just have someone who will listen - especially if they\'ve gone through it themselves. Takes the pressure off of depending on our husbands, family and friends to take on our pain. Anyway, I\'m looking forward to seeing your green smiley face soon...when you\'re ready :) Wishing you a good week!
Hugs, Meagan
Hey good for you - so glad you\'re having those good moments! I think stringing those together into longer and longer spells is key to this recovery thing! And with absolutely no need to feel guilty - you know you love your baby and would want to be carrying it way more than grieving it!
I know what you mean about those smiley faces too LOL there ought to be more of a range of them hey? I sometimes feel like changing them is tempting fate - venture to say you\'re feeling OK and something will come along! Do we change them by the hour? The day? I think it\'s ok to go back to a \'worse\' one because then we get the relief of changing it back to a better one and that reminds us we\'re up and down but we survive them all!
Counseling is so great, but I get what you mean about going on those good days. However, in some ways that\'s bound to happen when counseling is helping - it\'s because your subconscious is feeling relief at having that outlet that day and boosts your \'coping\' feelings - hence the feeling better. If you feel up to it, why not at least go along to one group session to introduce yourself and then you have a safety net that\'s not entirely new if you need it?
Glad you\'re getting closer to that smiley face :)