Good Day, Bad Day
My status isn't entirely truthful or at least I may know why I feel anxious off and on. It is the situation of my like right now where I have to spend a day with my father and watching him and having to encounter my brother and then a day away form them resting form it and trying to get other things done.
I am up and down , back and forth, left and right and cna't find an equilibrium or middle ground. And so I have a good or at least ok day and then have to face what may come with the situation and feel anxious. Even if there is no actual problem and it isn't so bad with my brother and my father, I still feel anxious about how it might be and so can't relax. Then I want it to be over so I can go home and do what I want, try and have my own life and feel anxious about that.
As long as the situation I am in right now continues I can have little real peace or relaxation. On the days at my father's I get little sleep because of him waking up and having to take care of him all night and then when home I don't want to go to bed because I want as much me time as I can and for whatever reason then don't sleep very long and wake up before the alarm would wake me, usually by at least a couple hours. For the last month I have probably averaged 5 hours sleep a night. Not too bad but not enough. And the fact that it is anxiety keeping me up half the time doesn't help.
before this I would stay up as long as I needed to relax and get to sleep and then sleep as long as I could before I needed to get up. Now I ony have certain times to sleep and can't sleep then because of the anxiety or disturbance of another.
I hope things will be able to return to a semblance of normalcy once I am out of this family situation. I love my family but I was more at peace when I only saw them once a week for a few hours not every other day for a 24 hour shift. It is very difficult to remain calm and find any peace anymore.
I am up and down , back and forth, left and right and cna't find an equilibrium or middle ground. And so I have a good or at least ok day and then have to face what may come with the situation and feel anxious. Even if there is no actual problem and it isn't so bad with my brother and my father, I still feel anxious about how it might be and so can't relax. Then I want it to be over so I can go home and do what I want, try and have my own life and feel anxious about that.
As long as the situation I am in right now continues I can have little real peace or relaxation. On the days at my father's I get little sleep because of him waking up and having to take care of him all night and then when home I don't want to go to bed because I want as much me time as I can and for whatever reason then don't sleep very long and wake up before the alarm would wake me, usually by at least a couple hours. For the last month I have probably averaged 5 hours sleep a night. Not too bad but not enough. And the fact that it is anxiety keeping me up half the time doesn't help.
before this I would stay up as long as I needed to relax and get to sleep and then sleep as long as I could before I needed to get up. Now I ony have certain times to sleep and can't sleep then because of the anxiety or disturbance of another.
I hope things will be able to return to a semblance of normalcy once I am out of this family situation. I love my family but I was more at peace when I only saw them once a week for a few hours not every other day for a 24 hour shift. It is very difficult to remain calm and find any peace anymore.
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