Gone

One of the last discussions I remember Clay and I having was about him potentially having to move to Alabama for a job.  He was sitting on the end of the bed, pulled me between his knees and said "I am never leaving you".  Thank just 7 hours later he left me in his sleep.  I woke up suddenly for some reason and he was gone.  I tried everything.  I begged God to bring him back to me but nothing worked.  

Now I'm having to figure out how to navigate life without him.  I don't want to but I will.  I don't think I can but I have to.  I've got Kimmie, Josh, Annie and Kennady that need me.  And in a few weeks our new grandson who we'll need me as well.  But I hurt so bad.  I want to beg him not to leave me.  To come back.  Even though I know God spared him the brutal death his mother had from the cancer that killed her.  Unbeknown to us he already had the tumors.  But God I hurt so much!