going to sergon tommorow. very frightened thurs oct 20,2111

well, its here. i go to sergon tommorow. sis is taking me. bro in laws bday today. i missed my pyhicatrists call and she is not back tillo monday. so its cold turky for sure. im very aggitated and not pleasent. im so afraid that im not doing as well as should. oh ya GO CARDS!!!!!! son is making me mad. he is soo spoiled, all my fault i know but its not right. they only know what ya teach them unfortunatly, ive crated a lazy person who thinks i owe him at 27 yrs old. i am going to need him when i go back. you know ill be stuck up there in the tower. im very nervoius and  getting deppressed. so mad i didnt get the phone wene she called. ive made my bed now i must lie on it. i just hope i can at leaste put some weight on the leg. im very afraid, i have realy no one to talk about this whith exept my poor aunt who has so many probs of her own. oh well, made it threw today. broke down and took half of my VERY LAST oxi. im very afraid. i need just a little help, its mental i know but its still very painfull and very emmbarresing. i DONT want this in my permanent record. i know its my own fault, but it still hurts so much. i cant even say how weird i feel. after tommorow, ill have none, so come on cold turky. im way too old for this shit. im very mad at myself. oh well what ya ganna do? ok, will get on some time tommorow and make notes. cant think of questions for doc. so dcared i cant think strait. ok, peace out.....