Going to make it! I Think....

Yesterday was 4 months. Seems like 4 years. When I think of all that I have done and been through with lawyers, banks, accountants, memorial services etc. I am blown away! But I made it and have learned so so much!! In a way I am proud of myself for making it this far. I still get sad and have a few tears but I am not distraught like I was. My cries are short. I am eating and sleeping much better and the pressure in my chest is gone. I swear that pressure was a broken heart. This morning I laughed until I cried over a clip on Facebook that a friend sent. Last week I went to a restaurant by myself. Last night I went to a movie and both times I didn't mind my company. My son looks at me and smiles more. Doesn't have that concerned look in his eyes. But I know the pattern. Another wave can come tonight. When I cannot believe he is gone and not coming back. When I just wish I had him here to talk to. Ask him questions about just anything. I miss having his opinion about decisions concerning most everything. I miss his smell and leaving crumbs on the kitchen counter. I still miss him but I am okay.