Going to celebrate this day...

....or at least relish it. I went to work today, and my mind was buzzing about some ideas.

Me pushing forward, kept me going and also then thinking about a new idea that I came across yesterday

was also in my mind lingering.  I have been realizing my personal frustration with my life and my struggles.

Finally though I thought to myself "I am frustrated, but what am I going to do about that?" A simple epiphany

but it carried a lot of weight. It was a shift from feeling I have no power, to the power to change my course

and determine, as best I can, to effect change and direction in my life.

I kept going at work, and felt good about the day - and then suddenly a new thought popped into mind

and ultimately I was undermined by it. I know that's maybe hard to understand but I just felt shaken...

maybe dismantled and I felt weird when I interacted with people after that - though I tried to just keep

up the positivity and keep up a kind of stoic determination to be as positive and unaffected as I could be.

I finished work, and I lingered over these negative feelings and it all kind of mixed together. I thought

about calling my psychiatrist but I kind of mixed that sense of 'ownership' that I mentioned earlier to get to a point where

I think I have come to realize that this undermining mind happens - some things just are - and I need to just deal with it. But even better, I thought, I can take some power over it.

I can make positive moves forward, and choices, that determine the direction of my life - and then just deal with those moments

that undermining makes me drill or spin about ideas and wisdoms. The power that I am not going to let sadness get in the way in fact I am going to exploit it and incorporate it. I will find projects to make good use of this mental habit and energy that seems to need to mill

new things. I will make things..some way..some how. So I am going to relish today or even celebrate it.

I have some choices here! Amen!!

Sorry guys... I know this may sound weird but I feel pretty good about stuff.