going off the deep end a little

why sometimes do I lose sight of all my confidence

and yet maybe when I am inactive, I have the luxury to do that.

Seriously, I feel spastic and miserable at work at times - but the need to keep

at the job - tends to lift me out of it.

Today I was lying on my bed watching TV after work. I started to feel guilty for being lax.

And like because it's difficult for me to have confidence in my own direction I drilled down to try and find some

truth that would tell me what I should do with my life - and where I belong.

I belong here for one thing. But I think more so, I have to self talk to not prejudge a course of action

before I even do it. Yes there are some wise things to do and some not so wise things.

So, I will leave it there. I've got a lot of choice and maybe not so much choice if I start to commit

to one goal, try it out - and then shift to another if that one doesn't work. I think maybe it's 

time though to exert some force in the sense that I have 'made' my job at the market work. My next

job of choice or opportunity I will need to 'make work.'