Going good
Today things seem a lot better. I'm feeling like, perhaps this cold and funky feeling is going away. I'm hoping.
Had my book study with my sponsor, but I forgot my book. We just sat and shot the shit for a couple of hours. I really enjoyed myself. It does really help having another alcoholic to talk too.
When I first met my sponsor I wasn't sure how it was going to go. He seemed to really kinda talk hesitantly, and at times slow. I seriously wondered if this would work out, but now I feel that it will. I seem like I'm starting to trust him. That's a very good sign for me. I'm even feeling that I may be able to trust him enough to do a full 4th and 5th step with. There's only one thing that I'm very concerned about. We talked about this last night. If I still don't feel comfortable about doing it with my sponsor, then just for that one thing I will talk to my phsychiatrist, or a clergy member. My sponsor agreed with me on that.The rest I'm alright doing with my sponsor. That does take a bit of a load off my mind.
I tried before doing a 5th step, actually a couple of times, and I did try with this particular problem. I didn't like it or feel great about it, and after wondered about the people I chose to do it with. Back then I know I wasn't ready, but I feel I am this time. This time I don't want to live the way I was. That was really horrible. I lost all my self respect, and hated my life as well as myself. I want to work on that.
Anyway, I'm feeling much better now. Wondering about a friend of mine that I've tried to call in the States. I haven't been able to catch her yet. It's been a very long time that I have talked to her. I just felt very bad while I was using and drinking, and had nothing I felt of any good to talk about. Plus most of the time the alcohol and drugs just didn't allow the time. Or I just didn't have the energy even to call. I feel bad about it, but that's how it was. I know at times she's reached out to me when she was having bad times, but I just couldn't be there for her. I didn't have the money to call, because my addictions were taking all of it. It's really the selfishness, and self centeredness of the addiction.
Anyway, I do miss her a lot. I loved just to hear her voice. She has helped me many times by just being there when I needed someone to talk to, so I feel like a shit for not doing the same for her. That really is a rotten thing to do, but addictions do that unfortunately. Lord, I am sorry. Please be there tomorrow, sweetie. Love ya.
Had my book study with my sponsor, but I forgot my book. We just sat and shot the shit for a couple of hours. I really enjoyed myself. It does really help having another alcoholic to talk too.
When I first met my sponsor I wasn't sure how it was going to go. He seemed to really kinda talk hesitantly, and at times slow. I seriously wondered if this would work out, but now I feel that it will. I seem like I'm starting to trust him. That's a very good sign for me. I'm even feeling that I may be able to trust him enough to do a full 4th and 5th step with. There's only one thing that I'm very concerned about. We talked about this last night. If I still don't feel comfortable about doing it with my sponsor, then just for that one thing I will talk to my phsychiatrist, or a clergy member. My sponsor agreed with me on that.The rest I'm alright doing with my sponsor. That does take a bit of a load off my mind.
I tried before doing a 5th step, actually a couple of times, and I did try with this particular problem. I didn't like it or feel great about it, and after wondered about the people I chose to do it with. Back then I know I wasn't ready, but I feel I am this time. This time I don't want to live the way I was. That was really horrible. I lost all my self respect, and hated my life as well as myself. I want to work on that.
Anyway, I'm feeling much better now. Wondering about a friend of mine that I've tried to call in the States. I haven't been able to catch her yet. It's been a very long time that I have talked to her. I just felt very bad while I was using and drinking, and had nothing I felt of any good to talk about. Plus most of the time the alcohol and drugs just didn't allow the time. Or I just didn't have the energy even to call. I feel bad about it, but that's how it was. I know at times she's reached out to me when she was having bad times, but I just couldn't be there for her. I didn't have the money to call, because my addictions were taking all of it. It's really the selfishness, and self centeredness of the addiction.
Anyway, I do miss her a lot. I loved just to hear her voice. She has helped me many times by just being there when I needed someone to talk to, so I feel like a shit for not doing the same for her. That really is a rotten thing to do, but addictions do that unfortunately. Lord, I am sorry. Please be there tomorrow, sweetie. Love ya.
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