Going back to bed now......nite nite.

I need some time to turtle up.  Not sure what to do except to rest and pray.  Seek rejuvenation.
I have music, inspirational books and movies.  I have all I need.......I have my Bible, I have my kitties.  Enough food til next week........so maybe I'll just settle in for a turtle up round up kind of week-end.
I woke up so tired and draggy.  Sat here moping........wrote a putzy journal and deleted it.  I thought why put such crap out into the universe today.  I gave myself the talk:
Ruth, you went out this week.  Arden gave you a great haircut.......you got mani/pedified.......so now you have shiny healthy hair and soft feet/hands.........you did some errands.  And you used up your small store of energy. 
Now you are still tired, but you expect your body to have already bounced back.  It does not work like that.  You went out and came home with added cold/flu symptoms..  You have been sneezing for days.  This happens everytime you go out.  Your immune system is seriously impaired so when you are out among people you always get sick like this.  Everytime and yet it still surprises you.......I know it's hard cause you have brain fog mixed with a surprising amount of optimism.
Now about calling the kids on Halloween......they blew you off, gave you the bums' rush huh.......You got met at hello with selfishness.  Pray about this situation and hon, stop crying.  Crying makes you feel so rough......dry your eyes. Restore respect one day at a time.  You need to either talk or not talk to them for the next 30 to 60 days.  But stop this......this isn't working. Time for some tough love sweet girl.
Now then, blow your nose, climb in bed and rest.......watch a little telly and then have a sleep.  You're worn out and tired.  You have chronic illness, but it doesn't have you......remember?  It does not define your spirit, it will not keep you down or living a life of sadness.  I know you've been waiting for your kids to grow up more since you got parked at home.........I know you're prayed and wept and worried......but things don't happen in your time, they happen in God's time..........but you can also check yourself and see if you are acting like a doormat........or allowing it.  IF people including your children don't treat you well, then give them plenty of space............and figure it all out.  From a distance, take some time.....
OK, tired from that long self pep talk.........lol, hang in there with your own goals, your own challenges and know that I am rooting for you, praying for you and want your light to shine bright........you are some kind of awesome and very precious to me.
Take care......