Going back/Going Forward

I've not spent much time journaling here.  I've actually been so knocked off balance the last year, I've just been surviving.  I'm ready to really live again.  Part of my committment to myself is to make this a part of my daily routine.  To put down what was, to gain strength from it and to regain my livelihood.  Here goes....
I don't remember major red flags while we were dating.  A time or two when he was a bit snappy, but nothing too outside of normal.  There were my instincts trying to warn me, though and I wasn't listening.  I remember my cousin and I discussing after the second date that "he seemed like the type to have a temper".  He hid it well for quite some time, until after we were married, in fact.
I actually remember my first notice of his mask slipping because it was just so weird.  We went out dancing with two of my friends and their husbands.  I thought it all went fine and we had a grand time.  Big mistake in the world of the N.  On the drive home, he was suddenly mad and questioning my past sex life.  We had already covered the basics since I'd been married almost my entire adult life, so I actually asked half-jokingly, if he was trying to trip me up since I'd had a couple of cocktails. By the time we returned home, he was completely upset with my behavior at the club and that I was not "lady-like".  I had grabbed my friend's sequin boot (when she tossed it up) and had danced with a woman who was a stranger!  Gasp!!  I'm trying to be patient the entire time, thinking maybe this really is a cultural difference?  I explain that this behavior is considered quite normal here, as far as I know. He did not find this normal for a married woman.  I apologized for not realizing he felt this way. He ended up just going to bed mad and the incident was brushed under the rug for the moment.
The thing is a MONTH later he brought it up again, and here it came.  Apparently, that night, he was sooo upset because I grabbed this strange woman's breasts.  I was shocked!  No, I did not grab this woman's breasts!!  Maybe it just looked that way from where he was sitting, was an accidental brush, I had no clue?  No, he saw it.  Did I think he would just make that up?  Well, no, who would??  I did know that I wouldn't even grab my best friend's breast dancing (unless maybe her shirt broke and I was trying to save her dignity), let alone a stranger's!!  This set the entire stage for the rest of our relationship.  It was brought up, thrown in my face and reiterated to the point that I eventually said, "okay, maybe I thouched this woman's breasts!!"  It was the start of the crazymaking, the start of my unbalancing and uncertainty.
What I really wanted and should have said was, "No, that didn't happen and yes, you are either blind, delusional or making it up...and for that matter...so F-ING what if I did touch a woman's breasts, get OVER IT!!!"
Looking back, I can see how perfectly and intentionally I was manipulated into questioning myself, my own memory and most importantly my own value system.