goin's and doin's

DS admin responded with a brief letter to say they are working on the issues and hope to have them repaired soon.  They did not address any issue specifically nor did they give a general eta for the "repairs".  They did not respond to a general request that they address this with all of the DS members either.  I suppose they feel they are doing enough, but it doesn't feel that way........feelings are too much like quick sand.......a few more facts would be very much appreciated by us from them.  Just my take.  I have noted several more friends are just gone.  No good byes, but their avatars are gone.  They were here a long time and to me this says they gave up.  Let's take a moment to honor friends we've lost on this site.......pray that they know we are here if they should want to reach out.  Here is they need a kind word.......or a hug.

So it is another day lost for this kid.  All night and all day into evening in bed. I put a fluffier comforter on the bed and it has been better for sleep.  The fancy lace coverlet I was using is so pretty, but it's not a comfy material for napping on.  And I don't have the ooooomph to always remove and replace it.....so instead I would lie there and hate the bumpiness which further irritates fribro and quality of sleep.

When I wake I often wonder what I did and to whom did I do it to that I have so few friends OUT THERE.  I've had so many losses of long time friends and not done very well making new friends.  And it is difficult to cope with when I feel yuckier than usual.

I did go out yesterday.  I went to the 11 oclock church service, heard the new preacher preach.  He spoke on the subject of bigger and better. Something very prevalent in society today.......bigger homes, bigger cars, bigger and or better everything.......the impact of us as people, as a community, as a world.  He is a young man in his late twenties, I got to shake his hand and meet his lovely young wife on the way out. 

I wish there was a lutheran church near me.  I don't know many of the songs at the methodist church......and I miss the knowing, the comfort of the familiarity.  But I like the size and nearness of this little red brick church.......so there ya go.  Feel like I complain too much and can't seem to find my place of late.  It has to do with the ongoing quiet of living with my own thoughts too much and having too little conversation with others.

I reached out to both children and got zero response.  That doesn't help my current moodiness.  They don't have to say alot, but to say something counts big at this house.

I ran into people I recognized at church and wish I had their contact info, I would like to meet with this new pastor and see what I can do to change things.......should I join?  Would I be more a part of things as a member.........would I be able to communicate with other members more easily as a member?  For example, would they have a member directory that I could reach out to others?  This all seems possible.  Sorry just thinking aloud. 

The woman from bible study who was busily writing in a notebook the entire hour sat down next to me at church....with her mate.  She was very emotional, struggling with something.......the pastor always asks the congregation for prayer requests. She raised her hand and simply said her Mother.....and I realized that is all she could say because the emotions were overwhelming her.  I had zero kleenexes in my purse ......I felt bad about it......afterwards someone noticed her tear steaked face and she said deprecatingly, "It's just my Mother....".  I said you never have to say the word just with any of us and reached out to give her a long steady hug.  Not too tight, but strong and steady........we all need those kinds of hugs at times.  A hug brimming with reassurance.  She was blinking rapidly but she looked at me and she said thank you.....bless her heart.  I wanted to ask what the situation is with her Mom but knew she wasn't up to the full on tears about to fall.  The timing wasn't right........

I left church and drove to a store and walked around.  I wished I had somewhere to go without any monetary temptation.  It's still very hot out, so I need to walk in A/C areas......trying to think where I went first.  Now I remember, I drove past Carl, past Winder and headed to Athens.  I went to a department store and looked at pretties.  I found a bottle of perfume marked way way down.......not a necessity I know, but smelling good lifts my spirits.  So on the way out I chatted with one of the sales ladies for a bit......about some of the nice things the store has.   She said they had just gotten some really pretty crosses in.......to hold on and she would show me.  She brought three crystal crosses out of the back.....you could see them sparkling and shimmering all through the store.  Very beautiful and affordable too.  But they aren't on my list of needs and I'd already gotten the perfume........regrettable after more chatting and admiring of these lovely things I headed back out into the heat.  I noticed my gait was worsening quickly......but I felt I needed to walk.  So I went to a Goodwill in Athens.  It's a newer store.......so many people there.  It was really busy, I was very grateful to have a cart to lean on.  I chatted with folks here and there......Goodwill Stores tend to be on the friendly side.  Not all folks, but most are open for a bit of chat.  One woman had a huge piece of art in her cart......it was bigger than she was.  She was bringing it up to the front to show to her hubby.  I was looking at shoes......he didn't seem to like it and he didn't think they had the wall space for it.  She seemed very disappointed that he didn't love it, but she didn't try all that hard to change his mind either.  It was a gigantic poster of one of Monet's prints.........very soft and pretty..........and HUGONTIOUS!  It was only $12.92, the frame and the print were in good shape.........that picture wouldn't have fit in my trunk or my car......yup, it was that big! 

I tried on some tops......narrowed it down to three.  And some skirts.  Two.....armed with my choices I tried them on........and felt woozy with the effort.  I ate a burger on the drive to Athens so I decided to take a pain killer......and sit a bit.  The floor length skirts were too short..........there are times when long legs do not feel like an advantage.  One was a burnt rust colored broom skirt.......the kind that crinkles up, never needs ironing.  A pretty skirt for fall, but just too short.  The other one had a cream colored backdrop and a pattern of black& brown leaves on it.......a no wrinkle fabric as well, but sigh.......sooooo short.  Oh well.......I tried on a deep teal cowl necked sleeveless top, a cream colored tank top and a long sleeved top in black, gray and cream.  Guess I was in a mood to shop for fall..........I liked all three but chose only one.  Gotta be selective with purchases.  ....chose the long sleeved top.  I looked at so many things, seemed like the stuff in others people's carts looked better than what I saw on the shelves. 

There was a young woman in the book section.....she had incredibly long hair.......way past her waist.....not as long as Cher's was in her heyday, but pretty doggone long.  Dark brown.......some of it was braided in a pattern that is unfamiliar to me......made me think of Bob Marley and island music......reggaie for some reason.  A little girl was trying on high heels while her father looked on as he browsed through t shirts.  She was 7 or ? and had shoulder length blond hair.......pretty young lady in a sweet dress.  Made me remember my first grade teacher Miss Bitken........she was a tiny teacher, not a little person, but not of anything close to average height.  She was several inches under five feet........her high heels were child size and to our delight one day she brought in several pairs of her high heels and let all of us girls try them on..........we adored her!  Another day she went down the slide ......no other teacher had ever done that and we thought she was WONDERFUL......!  She ended up marrying a man in our church.......he was a church usher.......and very very tall.  He was as tall as she was small.........halfway to seven feet high.  They adored each other........but my goodness, I wonder if part of the attraction was the mutual understanding of the impact of height on daily life, among regular height folks and some of the dumb jokes people make. 

After I left the Goodwill in Athens I took a new road that I hoped would take me to the highway southbound.  I lucked out, it was the right connector.......grateful that I didn't get lost.......so I went into another store.  I tried on headbands marked down to $1......marked down from $4.99 to $8.99.  Really pretty fabrics......wide and soft and lovely.  Then I wandered around the store next door.......I realized that my gait was getting too wonky to press my luck any further.  I keep a cane in my car......but since I park close to the building and use a cart to steady me I try to make it inside without the cane. The cane is long and bulky and can be an issue inside the cart......it tends to bump into people...also ensnare them and poke 'em.......but at this point I wished I had it with me.  I used the cart to get into my car......then sat there waiting for the pain to subside.  The spasms settled down some after awhile, but the pain in my right wrist and my left foot were knocking me for six.  Not to mention the overall generalized pain......it moves at times down the length of the body in odd waves........not quite like a shiver effect, but very odd and discomfiting. 

I prayed and sipped water.......very warm water.  I needed to get some ice water cause all my water was sunbaked.  I drove back into town........and like any crazy person I went into one more store.  Why?  Cause I know after a day like this I'm gonna be locked into my room for several days and being a stubborn idiot I feel compelled to see as much as I can before I am back in the same terrain of my room. 

I got a final walk in.........felt good that I didn't spend any money beyond the shirt and the perfume.  The two totalled about ten dollars......sigh, still not being tight fisted enough I know.......but I promise I am trying very hard to show expenditure restraint.  I can't buy treats everytime I go out this door........it is hard to convince my inner child of this fact........but I have to.  At least half of me has to be an adult. 

The drive to Athens is twenty miles each way from Winder........so I had a nice Sunday drive and got in several good walks as well.  But by the time I got home I was not thinking very highly of my decisions.......the pain was knocking me hard. 

I met a nice lady and her granddaughter while I was out......forgot to mention that.  A lady named Sherry and her grand daughter (a teen ager) named Brittany.  Sherry and I had a nice long chat about all sorts of things......and Brittany was patient and kind to boot.  I could see it in her eyes......they were both very sweet people.  In the end Sherry said she wanted to give me a hug and then she gave me her phone number.  She is part of a knitting/crocheting group that starts up again soon......she said it's fun, the ladies are nice.......and sometimes they all go out for lunch after.  How nice that was..........the chat and the invitation for fun later. 

The dishwasher just stopped.......it's so quiet all of a sudden.  I've been listening to Andy Taylor reruns this week end......and hope to be able to get an application for the free books on tape program soon.  Something I am very excited about, they have over 75,000 titles, there is no fee for anything.......not to join, and no cost to borrow/return the taped books ever.  Sounds so awesome........can't think of the name of this program, heard about it at the Owl's luncheon mid August but haven't gotten to the library yet to pick up the apps.  I want to get one for me and one for Grandma.......they have all kinds of books available to listen to......from the Bible to Daily Devotionals to classics.....and they are recorded by real voices, none of that digital creepy sounding fake people stuff! 

The dishes are done, the laundry can wait till tomorrow, the trash can go to the curb in the morning........I am clean and shiny from a shower.....and happy in a white polka dotted pink sleepshirt.  ........I may not see folks much but as I think about what I've just written I did make some progress.......and I know prayer has led me to the progress.......so I have much to be thankful for..........

Also.....Friday night I was really down......so I made myself bake cookies. Then on Saturday I drove them to a thift store where the folks are extra kind........gave the ladies the cookies.  I put them in resealable bags and then inside gift bags with tissue paper.......both ladies were delighted!  The second lady was super delighted.........she said she'd been having the worst day.....feeling really overwhelmed, stressed and under pampered........she couldn't wait to go home, make some of her favorite coffee and share the homebaked goodies with her hubby and kids.  I had the pleasure of meeting her children one day when I waa out there........and I hope the whole family enjoyed the treat!

When I feel low I don't always feel like doing for others........I want others to do for me, but I think God has another lesson in mind for me to learn.......that beyond the still & quiet there is also time for giving to others.  In little ways........that I need to push away those thoughts of gloom and hurt......and especially that I am not the only person who feels alone or abandoned..........many of us go through this fairly regularly and we all need to be there for each other.

Tired now......time to watch a little more of the going's on in Mayberry......with the sheriff, his deputy and Opie. 

If anybody out there is suffering with "NEEDAHUGITIS".......I'VE OT TONS OF hugs now available.....so take all the hugs you need out of my hug pantry right now and feel well and truly HUGGED!!!!

xoxox, ruthie