God heard me!

I find that what we want from our loved ones is not always as we imagine it would be and they are not capable to do so at that moment. Yes, my heart was aching with grief for the lack of love demonstrated while I went through a few years of serious mental illness. My son had not spoken to me since Christms and my daughter did talk with me with noticable hesitation. However, I recieved flowers for Mother's Day from my daughter and she skyped me from England. My son txted me. My first reaction was...seriously is that all.Then God whispered in my ear, "That's all he is capable at this time." That allowed me to be so grateful for the little that he did do.
With all that said...I know in the depths of my mental illness I could not and did not want to be helped. I just wanted to die. That's a heavy load for two young adults to deal with especially since their father died in 1996. Unfortunately, we all could not accept that I could not help myself unless there was some serious renewing of my mind. I needed to change the way I was thinking and allow my history be exactly that...history not present.
Though I really do not think my children can really understand the sate of helplessness I was in when I was experiencing my psychotic break. That's ok...God knows. God also knows the amount of damage control that is needed to restore my relationship with my kids. I'm so glad that He showed me that my children may never get it and that's ok, because nothing can stop me from loving them and maybe one day God would reveal to them the depths of my despair. :)