go away

i dont know what im going to do if i have to get another shot of methotrexate. i still cant function right. i know that my body is pretty much going through a 'miscarriage' but fuck this is too much. the side effects of the medicine is taking a toll on me. standing up is nearly impossible for me to do without falling right back down. i cant walk anywhere unless im hunched over from being in pain and holding on to something with every step i take. im so tired but i cant sleep. its so miserable, i just lay here and cry because i want this to be over. my best friend josh came over yesterday and he was shocked with how i looked, i look so sickly. please please i just need a moment of peace. getting blood work in 2 hours...thankfully my mom is driving me, i wouldnt be able to do it. please just be over with.   EDIT: its been about 15 minutes since i wrote that. im freaking out now. like anxiety. i had to go to the bathroom and i tried getting up and it was so hard, i could barely do it. i started shaking really bad, which i think set off some anxiety. then when i looked at myself in the mirror, that was it. the darkness under and around my eyes scares the hell out of me...everywhere else on my face is so pale, ive never seen myself look like this. i took a xanax hoping to calm me down and then help me sleep, i dont care if its for 10 minutes..i just need something. id rather be sleeping for any period of time rather than being awake.  everytime i close my eyes to try to sleep, my body literally jerks me awake. my jaws hurt so bad from me clenching them. i dont just want this to end anymore, i need this to end. im so scared... please let me sleep.