Giving up :(

I just really feel like I should just give up now.

I've been trying really hard. Working for a long time. Doing CBT with my therapist taking my meds.

But everything still seems so forced .

Do any of these people I keep trying to talk to and make friends with actually like me?

Or are they just being polite?

I'm probably just annoying them 

I bet they be happier if I stayed away. 

I wonder, if I did, would anyone care or come say hi to me?

I feel like everyone already has all the friends they need or want so why in the heck would they want me hanging around?

To my credit I am very loyal, a great listener, and empathetic. BUT boring as hell! I can't talk and I'm not fun.

What good is a painfully quiet boring friend?  Even if they'd do anything for you? (Thats me) And why no one wants me.

TT_TT

Sorry for venting. 

I'm just frustrated because I've been trying really hard to make friends and be accepted by this group of ladies. I go around every time I see them and say hi and usually hug them and so forth.....

Everyone acts friendly when I approach them, but after 3 years I'm still making all the effort .  If I sit alone . I sit alone.

I know I probably try too hard. 

I've never had an actual friend.

I went out a couple times, but no one from those guys had talked to me since.  

It's like I'm invisible.

I don't exist.

I don't matter.

*Sigh* I'm venting again aren't I.

Sorry again