Getting worn down

I am so worn down. I haven't had a good nights sleep in a month. The days and nights drag on. Sleeping in the car is so hard, I am awakened every few minutes by the heat or the traffic. This morning when I woke up there was someone lying on the sidewalk sleeping next to my car. This place is so horrible. My life is an endless cycle of trying to stay out of the heat, searching for a rest room and trying to force myself to eat. I've been sick for a week now, don't know when I will get better. Three more months till the weather cools down and every day of those three months is gonna be hell. People always say, hang in there, things will get better. But the reality is that things have always gotten worse in my life. Always. I should have gotten disability two years ago when I first applied. But life isn't fair. People who aren't nearly as sick as me get disability, and I get turned down. I wish I was dead every day. Why should I stay alive only to be tortured daily? I wish there was an easy way to end my life. I have wracked my brain and can't come up with a way. I have no money for a gun, and no pills to take. All I can do is continue to suffer horribly. I hate living so badly, there are no words to describe how badly I hate it. Life has been so horrible for the last 53 years. I am so worn down. I wish so badly I could lay down and never get up again. I have never had a moment of peace or fun or happiness in my life. I hear other people talk about their problems, when they have income they don't have to work for, and a place to live. It infuriates me. If I had income I didn't have to work for and a place to live I'd be in heaven. People don't understand how bad life is for me. I wish I was dead so badly.