Getting to a starting point

For months, with the help of my couselor, I've been finding my way. My progress has been slow, but it was working. Then one evening with my sister and her family seems to have pushed me back many steps. I no longer want to have contact with my sister, her husband and my adult nephew who is becoming more and more manipulative. I've had a very rocky relationship with my younger sister. I've just spent five minutes typing attempts at describing her, then deleting and starting again. To put it simply, she doesn't really care about our Mother, me or my daughter, but expects us to drop everything when she needs something, then casually dismisses us when we need her. That's the only way to describe her without being petty or spiteful. She and I suffered physical and emotional abuse from our father from young ages The emotional abuse toward our Mother and us was ongoing into our adult years. I was sexually abuse by him as well as an uncle who was 2 1/2 years older than me. Four years ago, we found out that my father had struck again and had been abusing my neice from a young age up to when she finally told our Mom at the age of 13. It's been a long, terrible road from 2019 to now. We went through writing letters to the court to explain what kind of man our dad was and that it was best all the way around to have him sentenced to the maximum prison term posible. We both have the emotional scars from all that we've been through with him. My Mom and I live together now, since I left my husband a month and a half before my father was arrested. We both provide each other someone to lean on when times get hard. I will save my thought on her for another time though. 

This is about the relationship that I kept trying to have with my sister. I tried to find a middle ground with her where we could just be equals and be able to spend time as a family. But Saturday (Feb18th) I talked my Mom into letting me take her to her favorite restaurant. She hadn't been there in 5 years. The last time was when we had a big 70th birthday party for her. My sister arrived over an hour late, was angry that people had ordered food already, and was pissed that she didn't get to sit next to Mom. She finally ruined the whole night by throwing an enormous tantrum in front of everyone who came. She shocked us all. Then, over the course of the next few months, she'd harrassed our Mom through text's demanding apologies for how she had been treated.  She though she hadn't been given enough attention as the daughter of the birthday lady. To explain it further still won't help any of it make sense, so back to the present time. I had told Mom it would just be her and I was treating my daughter and her fiance for all the things they've been helping me fix. We would have a quiet dinner and she could go back and not feel anxious since the others wouldn't be there. During dinner there, Mom got a call from my brother in law, Larry, saying he wanted her to swing by to show her some stuff in their basement. Very vague, but she said we were having dinner with Courtney and we'd be over when we were done. When we got there, it was a surprise that my nephew and his family had come up from Louisiana for the week. It was great to see him and I was excited until we all settled down and the first thing he said was he wanted me to do a painting of him and his family. Ambushed me in front of everyone when I had told him before that I was not making any portraits right now because I was not up for such an enormous project. This goes back to what I said before. He's becoming very manipulative, like his mother. This is exactly the kind of thing she's done to me over the years. So I just said yes, but did not say when. My stomach had been churning during the ride over (I think it was something I'd had for lunch earlier in the day) and I wound up running up to the restroom a couple times. The third time I got up and was starting past Larry and Mom when he asked, so where did you have dinner? Mom said she couldn't remember the name of the place and looked towards me (I new she was panicking) I said it was a new place, I couldn't remember the name but I'd try to look it up. You have to understand that my sister, Becky, and her husband would be pissed that we didn't invite them. She's the one who kept trying to plan another birthday party there and Mom adamantly said No, she didn't want anymore birthday parties and she didn't want to go there with all of us. She told her she hadn't been back there since her 70th and she didn't want her 75th party there. So I went up to the bathroom, and I came out and sat on the couch with my phone looking up all the restaurants in the area we went. Larry had apparently been watching for me, because he came out of the kitchen and said 'did you figure out what restaurant you went to'. So I just threw out the name of one that I knew he'd never been to and just let it go. I am so tired of the games and tiptoeing around them so they don't go off on angry tangents. I told Mom I needed to head home because my stomach was really upset and we left. From that point on, I made the decision that I will not be spending any more time with them. I'm dealing with the anxiety and symptoms from being around people that I know are talking bad about me, but maintain a minimal amount of contact with me because I'm an artist and they all have painting ideas that they want from me. My nephew's attitude towards me has changed dramatically in the last 2 years, so I know his mom is bashing me behind my back. He is very monitone and unresponsive when there's a facetime call from him, his wife, and his daughters. I can't do it. To paint a portrait, I spend hours and hours of time studying photos of the people I paint before I event start drawing, then painting them. I can't look at faces of people that long and intensely when I know don't care about me. Or in my sister's case, hate me! I couldn't do that to myself. 

So here is the first chapter in my new life. Being ok with distancing myself (or having no contact) with any family members who don't really want to spend time with me. Turning my back on the manipulative attacks trying to force me to do as they want. I'm living my life for me, for my daughter and for my Mother who needs a daughter who looks out for her and she knows she can rely on in the hardest times. She's truly a gentle soul who looks out for me and so many others in her life. The rest, I will have to figure out myself as I go back to building my life up again.