getting tired of struggling

I guess I am getting tired of the struggle it takes to keep on keeping on. I see my parents doing it.

I see my siblings too. My friends online and off..We all gotta do it. I suppose what helps me is knowing

we can come together to express some belonging to the group we are surviving with.

I'm tired because my mind serves up new problems and big moodswings every day but I am getting

more reassured that I have the tools, faculty and resources for processing things and

the affirmation and peace that using all of them brings. I am getting better at living alone - with Blue.

So not entirely living alone. I have started to text with a workmate and that's nice to have an in person

friend. Anyways, I was feeling some turmoil today - so I decided to just shake out the issues and do some laundry 

and dishes, listen to the radio and also light some candles. A little ritual can be nice - a little ritual shared would be

even better. Isn't it funny that I'm finding that I've been so sensitive about connecting with others that now

I am seeing my pride in self reliance is really showing me in the face that it's been a placebo or replacement

for connection. Though I know it's not one or the other....connection or responsibility it's important to do both

though highly vulnerable too. :) Ah me xo