Getting Things Off my Chest

Right or wrong, I finally publically posted how tired I am of drama on a support group. It has been a bit like navigating a minefield while balancing a book on your head and getting clear only to have sniper bullets sneaking by you, as well.
Since this is my journal and my little space, I'm spilling the rest - so if you don't wanna hear it, click away now :)
Before now, the only post I felt it necessary to delete was one calling us ALL cunts, which quite obviously needed to go!!  I guess I have too much faith in the ability for people to calm down, let go and move on past some of these issues. 
The best I EVER learned in therapy - that feeling invisble (which is MAJOR with an N) leads to self-sacrificing behavior, which then leads to an attitude of righteousnes.  This is what I've seen here and what I have really been trying to avoid falling into myself during the process. 
I cannot believe the amount of times I have recently felt the need to say that issues really can be discussed and sometimes even resolved without pointing fingers, calling names, accusations, sarcasm, anger and just all the nastiness.
In truth, I have no way of really knowing anyone's intent.  This comes from my own perception, which may be accurate and may be way off.  The truth is, if Billy comes to me and says, "I think Bob is abusive and fake" and then Joe comes to me and says, "I think Bob is great and helpful", which is it?  The truth is, I don't know. Maybe I don't even have any strong evidence one way or the other to guide me. But what I do know is that I can't take action against Bob if I don't know.  What I also know is that Billy can make the choice to stay away from and ignore Bob and Joe make the choice and can stay friends with Billy. 
Now, Billy is really unhappy with this, so he tells his friends Judy and Jill and they are upset for Billy and that he was hurt by this evil fake. The feelings continue to grow and they decide to post that Bob is an evil fake.  Of course, Joe sees this and he has his friends Mary and Martha decide they need to respond, as well.  Next thing you know, Billy, Joe, Judy, Jill, Mary, Martha and Bob are all trying to convince me of either the goodness or evilness of Bob and wanting me to take action.
What action?  I still have know way of really knowing Bob's intent.  Maybe he's evil and maybe he's great.  I still don't know.  And quite frankly, even though I really like everyone involved, I really don't care about Bob's evilness or goodness because I know that personally, if I find evil, I stay away from it and if I find good, I stay near it.  And overwhelmingly, it's that easy without me ever bringing anyone else into the situation.

Replies

pageo
pageo

WoW, so you like all these people and yet they are forming drama triangles and inviting you. hmmm, Well, my best to you at not joining in the mayhem.

Peace :o)
deleted_user
deleted_user

I certainly know what you mean about the difficulty in avoiding drama. I\'ve already been caught up quite inadvertently between conflicting points of view. What I thought were simple supportive posts, seem to offended people so much so that I got myself banned from one group in less than a week after joining and then got recently defriended all without the slightest intent to offend or knowing why I did.

Because of this, I\'m becoming extremely reluctant to reply to any post. I\'m making an exception here because I feel this taking of sides to seriously detract from our purpose. This is supposed to be a group of people trying their very best to overcome the devastation incurred by Ns and emotionally unavailable partners. Instead, I\'ve become extremely uncomfortable here and nervous to provide any commentary. I\'m in the very early stages of recovery and still awfully fragile and my first knee-jerk reaction was to want to stop coming here. My adult self kicked in afterwards and I realized that people don\'t always play nice and it\'s time to accept the good as you said, Raniagale, and stay away from the evil. But still....

Pity.
rayvyn
rayvyn

Drama triangles are truly energy draining situations if you allow yourself to get sucked in. Our time and energy is best focused elsewhere.
raniagale
raniagale

Yes, I just discovered that even when you start out not emotionally attached in any way, it is not only still energy draining, but at some point you do start to get sucked into a more emotional response. Still learning & growing, and there is always good in every situation - it made me realize one of my issues that was eventually triggered and I was able to examine that and process through the hows and whys.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Bhim Sen Taneja
Anurodh Sharma sent a message to the members of The common man.

Anurodh SharmaFebruary 19, 2011 at 9:58pm

ONCE BUDDHA WAS TRAVELLING WITH A FEW OF HIS FOLLOWERS. WHILE THEY WERE PASSING A LAKE, BUDDHA TOLD ONE OF HIS DISCIPLES, \" I AM THIRSTY DO GET ME WATER FROM THE LAKE.\"

THE DISCIPLE WALKED UP TO THE LAKE. AT THE MOMENT, A BULLOCK CART STARTED CROSSING THROUGH THE LAKE. AS A RESULT THE WATER BECAME VERY MUDDY AND TURBID. THE DISCIPLE THOUGHT.\" HOW CAN I GIVE THIS MUDDY WATER TO BUDDHA TO DRINK?L\"

SO HE CAME BACK AND TOLD BUDDHA, \" THE WATER IS THERE IS VERY MUDDY. I DON\'T THINK IT IS FIT FOR DRINK\'\'.

AFTER ABOUT HALF AN HOUR , AGAIN BUDDHA ASSKED THE SAME DISCIPLE TO GO BACK TO THE LAKE...

THE DISCIPLE WENT BACK, AND FOUND THAT THE WATER WAS STILL MUDDY. HE RETURNED AND INFORMED BUDDHA ABOUT SAME. AFTER SOMETIME, AGAIN BUDDHA ASKED THE SAME DISCIPLE TO GO BACK.

THIS TIME, THE DISCIPLE FOUND THE MUD HAD SETTLED DOWN, AND THE WATER WAS CLEAN AND CLEAR. SO HE COLLECTED SOME WATER IN A POT AND BROUGHT IT TO BUDDHA.

BUDDHA LOOKED AT THE WATER , AND THEN HE LOOKED UP AT THE DISCIPLE AND SAID,\" SEE WHAT YOU DID TO MAKE THE WATER CLEAN. YOU LET IT BE, AND THE MUD SETTLED DOWN ON ITS OWN-----AND YOU HAVE CLEAR WATER. YOUR MIND IS LIKE THAT TOO! WHEN IT IS DISTURBED , JUST LET IT BE GIVE IT A LITTLE TIME. IT WILL SETTLE DOWN ON ITS OWN. YOU DON\'T HAVE TO PUT IN ANY EFFORT TO CALM IT DOWN. IT WILL HAPPEN . IT IS EFFORTLESS.\"

HAVING\' PEACE OF MIND\' IS NOT A STRENUOUS JOB : IT IS AN EFFORTLESS PROCESS!

Just my way of sending you peaceful thoughts! Namaste. xxxx
rayvyn
rayvyn

pricklyone, Beautifully appropriate!