Getting Personal
I actually talked to a male! Nothing really, a friend of a friend. I know you are supposed to do all this polite conversation stuff - and not reveal too much, but I broke the rule. Did I break it on purpose? Maybe, but really, he did it...he asked if I had a temper and I had to say, "did you ask that because of my hair?" Yep. I answered yes and no to the question and explained that I don't have much of a temper, but when it goes, it tends to really go. He wanted an example. So, off I go, yep...telling him the worst case of me losing my temper...yep, with the ex (really, the only person I've ever gotten that mad with). Well, while I was typing out the last sentence, he went offline and never returned!
The thing is, I find it a bit funny. The story. Everyone who really knows me also finds the story really funny. I guess the humor in that story is in the fact that I am the most calm, kind, patient person and the description of me in the ghetto confronting a thug and his intoxicated harem really is funny to those who know me!
Now that I am here journaling, I am thinking - Rani, you did that on purpose, scaring the poor man away like that. Yep, probably quite a bit of truth to that one. When I say not ready, I mean not ready. Not to really date and apparently not even to really talk to someone.
I find it interesting that my cousin introduced me to one of her friends from school who came into town. We all went out, had a great time...and he is coming back in to town at the end of the month, invited me out and I'm all for it. Because, my cousin's friend didn't ask me anything about ME - the inside me. We went out, had fun, came home. He has commented on a couple FB pictures and sent me a couple of texts and they were all like, "Great Pic", "Hope you are doing well" or "Watching the Super Bowl - are you enjoying the game?" This, I can do. Simple, surface and slow.
My insight for the day - the need to learn to steer the conversation away from personal instead of reacting to it and scaring poor, innocent men. :)
The thing is, I find it a bit funny. The story. Everyone who really knows me also finds the story really funny. I guess the humor in that story is in the fact that I am the most calm, kind, patient person and the description of me in the ghetto confronting a thug and his intoxicated harem really is funny to those who know me!
Now that I am here journaling, I am thinking - Rani, you did that on purpose, scaring the poor man away like that. Yep, probably quite a bit of truth to that one. When I say not ready, I mean not ready. Not to really date and apparently not even to really talk to someone.
I find it interesting that my cousin introduced me to one of her friends from school who came into town. We all went out, had a great time...and he is coming back in to town at the end of the month, invited me out and I'm all for it. Because, my cousin's friend didn't ask me anything about ME - the inside me. We went out, had fun, came home. He has commented on a couple FB pictures and sent me a couple of texts and they were all like, "Great Pic", "Hope you are doing well" or "Watching the Super Bowl - are you enjoying the game?" This, I can do. Simple, surface and slow.
My insight for the day - the need to learn to steer the conversation away from personal instead of reacting to it and scaring poor, innocent men. :)
Replies
Made me smile very widely, Rani, you naughty thing!! :-)
Scaring the poor man? HA! Any one that can not understand that all people get angry is not able to handle feelings... first there own and then of course other peoples.
He asked a real question about your temperment and it sounds like your real answer was NO considering what you expressed above which is to say ... yes you do get angry and have known yourself to go off in the past in very certain conditions but in general you are able to work through conflict.
A better question would have been, how do you deal with conflict ? Then you could ask him the same thing. What he didn\'t ask is how do you deal with conflict with a narcissist. That is a very specific question and it is all together different then working through conflict with a regular, non disordered, functioning person.
Any way ... any one who asks about \"temper\" on the basis of your hair color, well, I would have to say you are way more intelligent then to subscribe to that kind of label stereo type. On the lighter side perhaps he was just making small talk and you took it serious.
I am a blond hair type and I can promise you that I usually am a surprise to those people who consider blond to be dumb.
I agree with pageo--its ridiculous that he can\'t handle a simple anecdote. Clearly he wasn\'t looking for something real and when you got real he got scarce. :( Don\'t worry about revealing yourself. Yes, not all at once because that overwhelms--but don\'t hide yourself entirely. You\'re not going to meet someone compatible with you by pretending you\'re someone else...
HUG Every man I dated, I was completely up front--though not pushy or anything. But I never hid or deflected. They left, so I figured YAY I didnt waste my time. What if I had spent months pretending to be something else, then one day decide ok its time for him to see the real me--THEN he leaves. Yeah, that\'s how people get heartbreak...
Don\'t waste time. Let them know who you are, and if they leave then it\'s their loss :)