getting on with the day
I woke up at around 300am today - well Blue woke me up
wanting to be fed and then I went back to bed.
When I was lying there at first
I thought about the night before.
I went to a small gathering last night with my parents and
I had two cocktails and foods that I don't normally have...ugg
and so when I woke up this morning I was feeling so toxic. I don't like drinking
at least - hard alcohol anymore. It's getting to be a conviction every blue moon
that I have some I am reminded of that.
So then I woke up again this morning around 630am and then got dressed
and went for coffee.
Came home and kind of hung out. I've been kind of floundering this
morning - not feeling the best sense of self esteem, feeling that I fall short and also having
no pressing responsibilities except for one errand.
I went to the Ralphs' market for some nonfat greek yogurt
and some lubriderm lotion. Two things my Doctor suggested. The yogurt
in lieu of a probiotic and the lubriderm for this skin condition I have.
So I came home and took a shower. Slathered on some lubriderm, dressed
and then ate some yogurt too.
Thankfully I go back to work tomorrow. I need a kick in the pants
to think about some practical and pragmatic stuff.
Maybe it's time for another walk.
peace,
Mark
Replies
I think a step in any direction is in order.
Don’t mix up the lubriderm
And the yogurt!
I know it’s hard, but try try try not to compare yourself to the Excellence of others. There are things you may be stronger in that are qualities that humanity truly needs. We all need to figure out how to live on Planet Earth in relation to one another, playing off each others’ strengths and lending a hand where there is opportunity. I know it’s hard to step away from the minutiae and think bigger picture but if you’re like me, you will beat yourself to a pulp if you think there is only one path to greatness and success.
Lunch break here for me. I may need to put some Baileys in my hot cocoa by end of day.
but I love the taste of Lubriderm lol :) thanks Nikki!!! x
Things are better now... I was thinking about my mental questionings today
and I started to think about "systems" - I wrote about it below and then I also
remembered to sign up for the next Treepeople event at Paramount Ranch.
This may sound strangely austere and robotics but it's also giving me a kind
of calm and coping ability to just deal with the questions around me - peace:
Systems:
we may develop systems for dealing with things - life experiences
systems for dealing with social activities - like church or
extracurriculars - systems for dealing with our day - schedules
routines - etc...
Systems for dealing with tasks
and maybe systems for professional life too.
what you choose to solve the problem of how you will
support your life financially.
I am watching an episode of “Grantchester” that I recorded last night. I feel humble and accepting.
I know I’m not alone, but at times when I’m alone over the weekends, the alone time makes me think all big picture and not about the pressing issues of the workweek.
I’ll just go about my routine and schedule of things.
Big hug Marky..... I can't drink either.... I think our meds really clash with alcohol.... At least mine do.... I'm glad that you had a nice get together with the family though sweetie
I hope that tomorrow is a good day for you.... xo
Thanks Jan! Xo
I am coming back to this post today. I see my therapist soon. The additions I made to this post I feel are pretty wacky.
I had those thoughts though - and I know left unsaid it would have gotten to me. I just need to focus on good things.
I'm ok right now - the addition of 'systems' scribbling made me feel so foreign and it's like I'm losing it. I'll talk to
the Doctor about it.
I sometimes reread my journals and assess certain things as progress. Writing to unload, articulate, emote etc is powerful stuff. Taking notes during a lecture helps cement concepts as we learn, and I kinda think of it in the same vein. Ergo, don’t look back at writings with judgement of your worth- but as steady progress you can apply to life “out there.” Just a thought? Hugsies.
thanks Nikki! I was just about to send you a hug when logging on. I'll send one licketysplit!