getting in touch with the body

I used to exercise for fun. I would go for a run, or bicycle down to the beach.

"Working out" in my younger years was not something I avoided.

When my world came crashing down from mental illness later in life, and I lived in a group

home...my aim to get healthy mentally was something that influenced me to not

listen so much to my body - but moreso to learn about how to be responsible emotionally

and respectful of that. I have to admit, and this might be awkward for some, but

when I was ill, my libido was off the charts. Now coming to a place

from a kind of aescetism in order to grow psychologicaly and mature, I have kind of avoided

the pleasures of the flesh in a way. I have been trying to understand now why the idea of working

out has become something I am avoiding. I don't know if it's because of the growth that I've

made or if it's age? Perhaps both.

I think it's a matter of habit as well. 

I shy away from the gym here at the complex as it's made for beautiful people

and I just have to question and push past that ill-gotten vibe of the place.

I project it onto the others I see there and then avoid. I know undoubtely I'll benefit from 

regular exercise physically as well as emotionally. I read recently that a lack of exercise

can cause mood disorders. I totally understand that.

I guess I am just talking this out and trying to motivate.

I just lifted barbels for my arms and then torso for 50 reps each.

I seriously will go for a walk and not avoid the feelings of embarassment,

sheepishness etc... etc...