Getting better or just better at it?

Today we had our second appointment with the grief counselor.  It is unbelieveable how much better we are this week than last week, but we also had to talk about why.  It all started last Saturday night I guess.  My husband and I went out to eat at our favorite restaurant that we hadn't been to in over eight months.  It was the first place that we have gone out in public (aside from the grocery store and wal-mart, etc.) and I actually "got ready."  It was the first time since all of this happened that I acutally cared somewhat about getting dressed.  i wore my favorite jeans and put on a shirt that I hadn't worn in forever.  I even took the time to pick out cute jewelry.   Monday was really hard, because it was my first full day back at work and I was upset, but after day one it got easier the rest of the week.  I had my moments and bad days, but it seemed like this was the first week that I had more good moments in the days than bad.  I just had to ask myself if I was really getting better, or if I was just getting used to it.  I know that time does help with the pain, but I would have never ever thought that I would be able to do the things that I am doing at this point.  A month ago I felt like there was nothing on earth that could ever possibly make me happy again, and now it just seems so hopeful that my husband and I will be happy again.   I am so afraid that I am just tucking it away down deep and that it is going to surface away again like a monster.  The therapist today went over everything that we had been doing, and she said that we were grieving in a very healthy way and that it sounded like we were healing and not repressing it, but I'm just scared.  I feel like I have to push myself into thinking about hurtful things just to make sure.  Well, a push isn't really needed.  I saw a newborn nephew of a friend today (who was a premie like Ellison) and I broke down right there in the middle of the aisle at Target.  I don't know why on Earth that going there was a good idea anyway.  All I saw were pregnant women, babies, and also remebered AFTER walking through the door that the last time i was there I was "perfecting" my registry.  I had everything on there just the way I liked it.  I was so intimidated the first time I went down that baby aisle back in November.  It was so confusing!  By the end though, I had gotten pretty comfortable picking out the things that i thought would be best for her.  Oh well, I guess I will just have to continue doing what we're doing because thats all i know how to do and see where it takes me.  I love you Ellison, and miss you so much!