Getting Back on the Horse
I did a blog with the same title at Spark People a couple of days ago, since I'm starting to get back to doing my 5k. I did a walk and jog thing today, walk 4 minutes and jog 1 minute for 25 minutes. I did pretty well, considering how bad I did yesterday. I sat to stretch once, and then once my 25 minutes were up I sat again, but I wasn't home. I don't know how I'm going to do this new 5k training... it's kicking my butt. The jogging is easy at first, but then by the third time around I'm barely above a walk. I think it also has to do with my walking speed... it changes a lot depending on the song I'm listening to. I have an upbeat mix of music I listen to while I work out, and it's pretty fun, but it varies my walking speed. I think I need to get my music in line with my workout, like have a specific set of songs to listen to while walking and while jogging. I'm going to start jogging more as the challenge goes on, so it won't just be for a minute. Next week it's going to be 1.5, then 2 and so on. I have a feeling that this challenge is going to be that- a challenge. The last C25K I did was pretty easy for the most part... this is going to be harder. I'm going to need to change it up a bit, and go farther than they ask me to since I walk slow. Today I did a mile, my next one I'm going to do a mile and a quarter or a mile and a half, depending on how I feel. I think I need to mix the walking and jogging challenge with the distances of the original C25K that I did. (C25K is the couch to 5k training program I did last time I did my 5K). Either way, I need to figure out something.
Mood was okay today. I didn't feel too much. I don't think I'm numb, though, just apathetic in a way. I just don't care too much one way or the other. I need to start increasing my Celexa like Bad Doc wants, but I don't want to at the same time. I don't want to be on more medication than I need to, and even though I know I need to be on more of it I don't want to. I guess I'm just being stubborn and I should start with the higher dose tomorrow. Hopefully it will take away the apathy and replace it with happy. That's all I want right now- to be happy. I don't get enjoyment out of the things that I normally do... I was watching my friend's show on the Travel Channel (Sand Masters- Sundays at 7pm!) and it felt like a chore. I watch it to support her, since she and I have known each other for years, but at the same time today it felt like I had to do it instead of me wanting to do it. It's a cool show, and I'm glad that she has a good job and everything and I should be happy for her. I just can't feel it, though. I wish I could... I wish I could care about stuff.
This morning I cared that Geo had eaten more of my food without asking, so I went to the store today and got more food. I find it hard to believe sometimes how much food he eats, but at the same time I eat a lot myself. We need to eat to survive, right? It's just hard living with a food addict who doesn't respect your food when you try and set it aside. I went to the store and I got him ice cream when I shouldn't have, but it's almost routine for me to get it for him now. I wanted some myself, I think that was the thing. I probably won't even get any, that's the kicker. Today I was hungry, and I think I ate my calories. I know I got my protein in, since almost everything I ate was protein. Well, I just put them in and I'm a bit low, but it's better than it has been the past couple days (except for the party) since it's been low. I lost weight again... I'm officially 241.5. I'm losing weight, and that's a good thing. I think it's been slow, but it's been steady. I wish I would lose it faster, but there's only so much I can do. I know eating too few calories is just going to make me gain again, so I know not to go that route, and same with over-exercising. I just have to keep it steady.
Food today was good... I had a chicken thigh and some cookies for breakfast, some ham and a yogurt for lunch, and regular dinner. I also had a protein shake in the middle of the day to kinda hold me over as a snack. I'm low on carbs, but oh well. Mood is apathetic... I just don't care about stuff. I'm not numb because I can feel, I just don't care how I feel. Stress is low- I don't care, so I'm not stressed. Sleep was okay last night... I felt like I got better sleep but I was awake in the middle of the morning again for a couple hours (from 5-7am).
Mood was okay today. I didn't feel too much. I don't think I'm numb, though, just apathetic in a way. I just don't care too much one way or the other. I need to start increasing my Celexa like Bad Doc wants, but I don't want to at the same time. I don't want to be on more medication than I need to, and even though I know I need to be on more of it I don't want to. I guess I'm just being stubborn and I should start with the higher dose tomorrow. Hopefully it will take away the apathy and replace it with happy. That's all I want right now- to be happy. I don't get enjoyment out of the things that I normally do... I was watching my friend's show on the Travel Channel (Sand Masters- Sundays at 7pm!) and it felt like a chore. I watch it to support her, since she and I have known each other for years, but at the same time today it felt like I had to do it instead of me wanting to do it. It's a cool show, and I'm glad that she has a good job and everything and I should be happy for her. I just can't feel it, though. I wish I could... I wish I could care about stuff.
This morning I cared that Geo had eaten more of my food without asking, so I went to the store today and got more food. I find it hard to believe sometimes how much food he eats, but at the same time I eat a lot myself. We need to eat to survive, right? It's just hard living with a food addict who doesn't respect your food when you try and set it aside. I went to the store and I got him ice cream when I shouldn't have, but it's almost routine for me to get it for him now. I wanted some myself, I think that was the thing. I probably won't even get any, that's the kicker. Today I was hungry, and I think I ate my calories. I know I got my protein in, since almost everything I ate was protein. Well, I just put them in and I'm a bit low, but it's better than it has been the past couple days (except for the party) since it's been low. I lost weight again... I'm officially 241.5. I'm losing weight, and that's a good thing. I think it's been slow, but it's been steady. I wish I would lose it faster, but there's only so much I can do. I know eating too few calories is just going to make me gain again, so I know not to go that route, and same with over-exercising. I just have to keep it steady.
Food today was good... I had a chicken thigh and some cookies for breakfast, some ham and a yogurt for lunch, and regular dinner. I also had a protein shake in the middle of the day to kinda hold me over as a snack. I'm low on carbs, but oh well. Mood is apathetic... I just don't care about stuff. I'm not numb because I can feel, I just don't care how I feel. Stress is low- I don't care, so I'm not stressed. Sleep was okay last night... I felt like I got better sleep but I was awake in the middle of the morning again for a couple hours (from 5-7am).
Replies
Not caring or being confused about how you feel is a common thing with me, I feel that way most of the time. I have learned that when I feel this way I just let myself feel that way and don\'t worry about it because it will only be temporary.
not feeling or caring much or not at all, is more common then you may think. this is usually a phase you are kinda taking a break from thinking much. its ok. great job on the exercise plan, that will keep you motivated and if i remember, last time you seemed very pleased with what you were doing. any exercise improves the mind i think. i know its hard to see the weight drop slowly but trust me, you are doing it the healhty way, unlike what i did. hugsss