Get away from me!!

 I am feeling sooo depressed I can't seem to run from it. It trying to catch me and eat away at me once again. I can't fucking handle this bullshit its interfering with my school big time. I can't seem to get any further ahead in my life. I am soooooo angry. But yet I am sooo sad. My memory is horriable I am forget almost everything I can't think straight at all. I am trying to pretend like I'm and ok but I am not.. What am I suppose to do I am sooo confused. I forget how to do simple things like instructions on work and my job duties, I forget how to spell certain words sometimes. I am grabbing for a cup when I really need a mug things like that. I know I sound sooo fucked up I am sooo alone I am soooo sad.... I feel like sometimes I am gonna shake this b.s disorder but I have to be realistic its never gonna go... but how am I  gonna manage it? When am I gonna feel level headed? I can ever manage to complete things at school when  iam like this... which me evenutally i will be kicked out of the college prep program.. FUCKKKK I am a mess...