FUNKY
Thursday, 3-26-09: Funky mood....For the past few days I have really been struggling with depression and missing Scott. I have been off work this week, for Spring Break, and thought it would be great. Being off is great. However, I have been remembering how much Scott and I would talk when I was home. I miss my conversations with Scott. They were so different than when I talk with Chris or Adam. Scott and I just "got" each other. We had the same sense of humor. Our conversations mostly just went where they went. With Chris and Adam there is usually a topic. That is not a bad thing. It is just very different. I went to the cemetery today. I had not been for a couple of weeks. Someone, previously, had put seventy-five cents on his headstone. Now, someone has added two more quarters. I don't know who does this or what the meaning is. But, for someone, it must mean something. I just leave the coins there. I did sort of chuckle and "told" Scott he just kept making money, even in death. And then, I sobbed. I want my "baby boy" back! I had planned to work on my book all week. I even thought I would finish the final rough draft. Well, that isn't happening! It is hard to work on it. Very painful. I haven't really gone anywhere this week. I did finally, yesterday, take the taxes off to the accountant. I was working on those during Christmas break! I also met Craig for lunch at his job. That was nice. Other than that I have only gone to the Dollar General and the library. No money to spend, so no where to go! I can't really think of anything I want to do, anyway. I would be outside if the weather was good. It has been cool, windy, and rainy, most of the week. I want to get some potatoes planted. But, I don't like to be outside if it doesn't feel good. Funk, funk, funk! I have got to get past this!
Replies
Ginger, those quiet times are sometimes the hardest. That\'s how my mornings are....that is when it was just me and my son at home and we talked, and laughed together. It is nice being off and at home, but those times are sometimes the hardest. Hang in there...thinking of you and sending a hug, Love, Kim
Hi Ginger. I so often relate to what you say about things you did with Scott. Frazer and I \"got\" each other too which adds to the yearning for him. I hope that you are feeling a bit better, sometimes it\'s a good idea to \'make ourselves\' go out, but only you will know what feels right for you. Hugs, Charlotte.
Ginger, my heart is with you. That is a very nice story about the coins. Ever since my Michael died, I notice pennies on the ground/floor all the time and I always pick them up and think of my son. Just a thing. Love, Belinda
Ginger, I\'m sorry for your funky mood. I\'m sure some of it is weather related. We really do need spring to get her and give us all a huge dose of sunshine to lift our spirits. I love the story about the coins. Once I went to my sons grave and there was a huge movie reel. It was about 2 1/2 feet in in diameter. I\'m sure it was from a theater. Written on it was \"to one of the best nights of my life\". I have never known the background or who it came from. I\'m just so grateful that my son is never forgotten. Either is your Scott. Love to you. Robin
I know what you mean...those special conversations...I miss mine with Alex too. We can appreciate our conversations with our living children, but we can also miss those with our angels. That is so neat about the coins...you are right they have to have a meaning to someone...love to you..Karen
Ginger, sorry you are in a funky mood. I am sure it might have something to do with the weather, & then we are getting snow this weekend. NOOOOOO. Bobby & I were just alike and we understood each other very well. I also miss our conversations and just miss his hugs & kiss. The coin thing would be a mistory to me too. Hugs, Connie
We understand. Sunshine makes a world of difference, and tomorrow is a new day. I hope it is better.
Julia
The coins have bound to have meaning and I wish we knew what it was. I bet it would be a touching and wonderful story about something Scott did. Who can imagine. I know how it feels to just want to stay in and to not leave the house. I have had spells of that myself. I did not leave my house alson after my 2nd son died for 3 months. I did leave with my husband or my grown grandson, but not alone. I finally made it though. Now I am lots better. It came slowly, but I finally made it. You will too. Love Peggy
i miss talking to justin too we talked about everything and anything.can\'t believe he\'s been gone 2 years now we went and let ballons off braden made a picture on his it was sad but cute.He got to see his sister Heaven there. they were glad to see each other.Hope your funky mood goes away have a great week back to school.love ya,Vicki
Ginger I understand that in the quiet times all the things you can put away during the busy ones, comes out to be dealt with. Hard but no necessarily bad. Some times we just need to miss them and think about them and wish. It doesn\'t hurt. Hope the new week is going better for you. Love and hugs Cathy