Full of Self Pity
I feel so damn sorry for myself. All I think about is poor me. I try to think of others but it takes conscious effort, like it's un natural to me.
A friend pointed out that I've talked about suicide for a long time and haven't done it, so I'll probably just fantasize about it and keep living. And she's right. I wish I had the guts to do it but it looks like I don't. I long to be free of this existence but can't make it happen. I hate my life so damn much. I hate myself for being unable to feel sympathy for others. All I feel is sympathy for myself. I'm a shitty friend and it's no wonder at all that I HAVE no friends. To have friends you have to BE one and I suck at it, I wish this miserable life would end, I fantasize about someone killing me and what a relief it would be.
I have a doctor appt on tuesday and I'm going to tell her how much I wish I was dead. I'm going to tell her how much the new policy of only giving 30 days worth of meds every 36 days has hurt me. I know it won't change anything, but it will feel good to let it out. I wish there was a way to get out of this miserable life. I wish there was a way to find someone to love and care for me. I wish I didn't have to work. I feel so damn sorry for myself it's hell living with me. Maybe my wishes will come true - I know for sure I will die one day. I just wish it was sooner rather than later.
A friend pointed out that I've talked about suicide for a long time and haven't done it, so I'll probably just fantasize about it and keep living. And she's right. I wish I had the guts to do it but it looks like I don't. I long to be free of this existence but can't make it happen. I hate my life so damn much. I hate myself for being unable to feel sympathy for others. All I feel is sympathy for myself. I'm a shitty friend and it's no wonder at all that I HAVE no friends. To have friends you have to BE one and I suck at it, I wish this miserable life would end, I fantasize about someone killing me and what a relief it would be.
I have a doctor appt on tuesday and I'm going to tell her how much I wish I was dead. I'm going to tell her how much the new policy of only giving 30 days worth of meds every 36 days has hurt me. I know it won't change anything, but it will feel good to let it out. I wish there was a way to get out of this miserable life. I wish there was a way to find someone to love and care for me. I wish I didn't have to work. I feel so damn sorry for myself it's hell living with me. Maybe my wishes will come true - I know for sure I will die one day. I just wish it was sooner rather than later.
Replies
The end is sneaker you never know time place event or nothing... Been where you are hope it changes soon... Why 30 day supply every 36 days? That gives six non med days??? Huh wth is that???
I think its a very good idea to tell everything to your doctor. They can\'t see how painful this invisible illness is. I would also suggest using a mood chart if you don\'t already - this way they can see just how hellish it is for us. I have had great success with this. Here is an online one you can give online access to your doctor or can print out https://www.moodtracker.com/ and here is one you can print out and fill in http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/docs/12.MoodChartforBipolarDisorder.pdf I really urge you to do this heretic and consider asking your doctor to prescribe something additional for your depression to help you cope with the shittiness of your life and hopefully that will give you the boost you need to change things in hope of improvement
Also tell the doctor that even if you are suicidal and have a plan you found hospital most unhelpful and now its massively adding to your stress with the huge bill you have no hope of paying and the debt collectors harassing you. In fact, heretic, I invite you to make notes here which you will print out and give to your doctor and allow us to give our input as I doubt you are giving your doctor the full story and are keeping your pain locked away inside. I also want you to find out everything you can about how to apply for disability, I know you say you have no time but I know that you do as you don\'t work fulltime and don\'t do much with your spare time.
I like the previous comment very much. I agree. I really hope things improve for you.
How about Canada?
Glad you admit you don\'t have the guts to shoot yourself. Now for the next step.
Leaving Las Vegas plans:
DancingD says she worked part time whilst applying for SSDI and continued afterwards. She says there are are limits on what your Gross Monthly income can be ....the amount is established on an individual basis depending on your work history.
You need to go to the SSDI office and ask them to assess you.
DD says \'with the proper documentation , and the case worker at SS, will give her the information she needs to compile , her application should go through smoothly . NOTE: when I went into SS office to apply, I was a total basket case, the case worker filled out all my paper work for me\'.
US Social Security Administration
1250 S Buffalo Dr #150, Las Vegas, Nevada 89117, United States
Phone:+1 800-772-1213
Social Security Disability Benefits: http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10029.pdf
How far is the office from your house? Can you walk? Take the bus? Do you just show up or make an appointment?
I also want you to talk to Allsup lawyers.
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Answer the questions below if:
You are under your full retirement age (65-67);
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Allsup only charges a fee if we obtain benefits for you.
For faster service, call (800) 279-4357, Monday - Thursday, 7 a.m. - 7 p.m., and Friday, 7 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. (CST). All submitted information is strictly confidential\".
Fill in the form here with your personal details:
https://www.allsup.com/about-ssdi/free-ssdi-evaluation.aspx
keep watch on this post too http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression/forum/15748930-disability