Full circle

As I sit here working, I can't help but think about everything that's gone wrong in my life. All I want is for this pain to go away, as much pain as she's put me through I still love her. Why do we continue to love someone when all they did was hurt us? I'm on an emotional rollercoaster, when I feel like I can get through this all of a sudden reality sinks in and I think to myself, "the woman I was supposed to be with for the rest of my life doesn't love me anymore". I feel sad, angry, and most recently I feel Hate. I can honestly say I've never truly hated anyone, but now I feel as I love and hate her, I hate her for doing this to us, for shattering the dreams we had of starting a family, of living together forever. I feel as though maybe I wasn't meant to be loved, maybe I destined to live alone. My greatest fear is that I will have been forgotten!