Fucking Obese

I feel so fucking fat....not fat acutally, obese right now. I feel disgusting. I'm disgusted in myself. I have been eating pretty normal dinners and I feel nasty. I fee gross. I just want to crawl out of my skin right now. Everyone is practically shoving fucking food down my throat. ahh.
Last night I took a handful of laxies- fucking regretted it this morning at 3am but I had too. There was nothing else for me to do. I had to get all this fucking nastiness out of my body. I felt like my stomach looked preggers. Now at least it looks a lil better but still god damn gross.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
tonight i go back to the dietiitan and therapist. woohoo.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Deep breath. The ending of your day can be a positive note meeting w/ the dietician and therapist. HUGS
deleted_user
deleted_user

I know the feeling, hun. I\'m right there with you. But remember (and I\'m being a hypocrit saying this, but I hear it\'s true)... what you feel is different than what\'s really there. Ed tries to change how we feel about ourselves and \"feeds us\" (haha pun) all these lies.

I hope things go well with the dietician and therapist tonight, sweets.
Hang in there.
I hope we can chat soon.
xoxo
Jillian
deleted_user
deleted_user

PS. Damn those laxies. You think they\'re going to make you feel better but they just end up being a pain in the ass! (quite literally, hahahah)
wanttobeok
wanttobeok

I just wanted to reach out and hug you when i was reading this, i am so sorry you feel this way, as Jillian said please do try to fight how you feel with the fact you know ED makes us feel and see things differently from reality. Im sorry you turned to laxies, it is awful that not only are you being emotionally tortured then ED makes you turn to them and feel horrible physically. I really hope you are feeling a little better by the time you read this. xxx
deleted_user
deleted_user

I really hope seeing your therapist and dietician helped Steff. Like Lauren said, I too just wanted to reach out and give you a hug when I read this.
Ed is so cruel and distorts so much :( Please try to fight the urge to turn to laxatives. I know they seem like a solution but they really aren\'t good for your health huni.
I\'m sorry I have nothing better to say... I\'m thinking of you though, and I hope you are feeling better today xxxx