Fucking Obese

I feel so fucking fat....not fat acutally, obese right now. I feel disgusting. I'm disgusted in myself. I have been eating pretty normal dinners and I feel nasty. I fee gross. I just want to crawl out of my skin right now. Everyone is practically shoving fucking food down my throat. ahh.
Last night I took a handful of laxies- fucking regretted it this morning at 3am but I had too. There was nothing else for me to do. I had to get all this fucking nastiness out of my body. I felt like my stomach looked preggers. Now at least it looks a lil better but still god damn gross.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
tonight i go back to the dietiitan and therapist. woohoo.