FUNKY

Thursday, 3-26-09:  Funky mood....For the past few days I have really been struggling with depression and missing Scott.  I have been off work this week, for Spring Break, and thought it would be great.  Being off is great.  However, I have been remembering how much Scott and I would talk when I was home. I miss my conversations with Scott.  They were so different than when I talk with Chris or Adam.  Scott and I just "got" each other.  We had the same sense of humor.  Our conversations mostly just went where they went.  With Chris and Adam there is usually a topic.  That is not a bad thing.  It is just very different.   I went to the cemetery today.  I had not been for a couple of weeks.  Someone, previously, had put seventy-five cents on his headstone.  Now, someone has added two more quarters.  I don't know who does this or what the meaning is.  But, for someone, it must mean something.  I just leave the coins there.  I did sort of chuckle and "told" Scott he just kept making money, even in death.  And then, I sobbed.  I want my "baby boy" back!    I had planned to work on my book all week.  I even thought I would finish the final rough draft.  Well, that isn't happening!  It is hard to work on it.  Very painful. I haven't really gone anywhere this week.  I did finally, yesterday, take the taxes off to the accountant.  I was working on those during Christmas break!  I also met Craig for lunch at his job.  That was nice.  Other than that I have only gone to the Dollar General and the library.  No money to spend, so no where to go!  I can't really think of anything I want to do, anyway.  I would be outside if the weather was good.  It has been cool, windy, and rainy, most of the week.  I want to get some potatoes planted.  But, I don't like to be outside if it doesn't feel good. Funk, funk, funk!  I have got to get past this!