Thursday, 3-26-09: Funky mood....For the past few days I have really been struggling with depression and missing Scott. I have been off work this week, for Spring Break, and thought it would be great. Being off is great. However, I have been remembering how much Scott and I would talk when I was home. I miss my conversations with Scott. They were so different than when I talk with Chris or Adam. Scott and I just "got" each other. We had the same sense of humor. Our conversations mostly just went where they went. With Chris and Adam there is usually a topic. That is not a bad thing. It is just very different. I went to the cemetery today. I had not been for a couple of weeks. Someone, previously, had put seventy-five cents on his headstone. Now, someone has added two more quarters. I don't know who does this or what the meaning is. But, for someone, it must mean something. I just leave the coins there. I did sort of chuckle and "told" Scott he just kept making money, even in death. And then, I sobbed. I want my "baby boy" back! I had planned to work on my book all week. I even thought I would finish the final rough draft. Well, that isn't happening! It is hard to work on it. Very painful. I haven't really gone anywhere this week. I did finally, yesterday, take the taxes off to the accountant. I was working on those during Christmas break! I also met Craig for lunch at his job. That was nice. Other than that I have only gone to the Dollar General and the library. No money to spend, so no where to go! I can't really think of anything I want to do, anyway. I would be outside if the weather was good. It has been cool, windy, and rainy, most of the week. I want to get some potatoes planted. But, I don't like to be outside if it doesn't feel good. Funk, funk, funk! I have got to get past this!