Frustrating Myself
I know it will take time. Be kind to yourself. Take baby steps. All very good advice but I am so tired of the waves that come. All of a sudden I get sad. Think of my husband and the tears come. Today I am so fed up with myself. This isn't me! I usually am a happy person who loves a good laugh. I still seem happy and I still laugh but when I am home alone that wave comes. No more tears! But that doesn't last but for a few days. I spoke to a lady who lost her husband 10 years ago. She said ,"it gets easier" I am just so impatient because I want to feel better now! Why will my heart not listen to my head? This journal doesn't make much sense. Forgive me . Just venting. Just feel I have no control today. Always if there is a problem I get right on it and fix it. Why can I not fix this? Maybe tomorrow. love, Diane
Replies
I am not sure we can fix this Diane. I am thinking that only time will soften these intense waves of sadness. I go for a few days of thinking I am getting a handle on everything and then a wave hits... Be kind to yourself. Patti
Thank you Patti. Just tired as I know you understand. I know what you say is right. Okay I will be kind to me. Thank you!
Diane, like you, I liked to fix things too. When something happened, I like to get on it to fix it, or simply to do something about it so I can be in control. But when my wife passed, I realized first time in my life I am not in control at all. In fact, now I think I don\'t want to be in control. I would like to think God is much better than me for that. For the first time in my life, I don\'t live the life, I let life lives me, if that makes sense. Hugs, Tiger
Diane, Like those who responded before me I too feel that this is probably normal. I made it through the fourth of July and then had a three day crying jag that absolutely exhausted me. I too want it to stop. Yesterday was better and I can\'t believe my love has been gone 11 weeks today. I honestly didn\'t think I could make it. Seems I\'ve been grieving forever, but it feels like yesterday too! Hang in there girlfriend, we are all here for you! Hugs, Michele
Oh Diane . . trust . . we\'ve all been where you are. I know you are beyond sick and tired of hearing about time . . but unfortunately that\'s the only thing standing in your way of finding the light at the end of this horrid grief journey. Time. There are no quick fixes, nor magic elixers . . we must move \"through\" our grief, no way around it. Allow yourself to cry and grieve without repression. Forget who you used to be and how you used to be for \"now\". You will find yourself again, that happy Miss Fix-it personality. I promise. But for this moment, keep it in \"now\" and know that you are changed without expectation of the morrow. An old sufi saying . . \"the Spring comes and the grass grows green by itself\". Time. Sorry you are hurting so much. Hang in there. Hugs, D