Frustrated AND sad General Update
Too bad one can't choose more than one theme!
One of my problems is that none of my gyn's patients has epilepsy, and it seems that none of my neurologist's patients is going through menopause (or at least, not as severely as I am). The first is still pushing HRT, the second is pushing anti-depressants, none of which I want to use for reasons already gone over in many previous journal entries. An aunt sent me Suzanne Sommer's book about bio-identical HT, but upon Googling it, there is still very little known about them; how efficient they are, and what their side effects, long- and short- term, are, and that's not good enough for me.
So the day started so-so; the usual stomach upset/headache/body ache accompanied by tiny waves of anxiety and the need to cry. Got the little one fed and off to school, then laid down in bed with the hubbie (who, luckily, was off work today) and we were talking when I got hit by a big wave of That Feeling ...which immediately led into a panic attack. It wasn't nearly as bad as the two that I had in January, but still...shaking, dread, the lighting and sounds of the room suddenly becoming creepy...and that damned sense that I was going insane, which in itself is terrible and terrifying. My DH held me while I cried and trembled and rambled until it finally started to ease off. I had to get out of the house, so we got into the car and drove to the beach and just sat watching the waves while I continued to cry. Then I had a seizure.
Immediately following a seizure, I need to sleep, so we went home where he made me a soft-boiled egg, and I went to bed for the rest of the day.
In short....another day shot, spent being out of control and feeling horrible.
And tomorrow....what, more of the same? How about Wednesday? Or Thursday? Or next week? I'm accomplishing nothing, and I'm spending my days, or most of them, it seems, feeling so horrible that all I can think about is my little self.
Gotta go. I'm off to my second therapy session.
Love to all, and thanks for listening.
One of my problems is that none of my gyn's patients has epilepsy, and it seems that none of my neurologist's patients is going through menopause (or at least, not as severely as I am). The first is still pushing HRT, the second is pushing anti-depressants, none of which I want to use for reasons already gone over in many previous journal entries. An aunt sent me Suzanne Sommer's book about bio-identical HT, but upon Googling it, there is still very little known about them; how efficient they are, and what their side effects, long- and short- term, are, and that's not good enough for me.
So the day started so-so; the usual stomach upset/headache/body ache accompanied by tiny waves of anxiety and the need to cry. Got the little one fed and off to school, then laid down in bed with the hubbie (who, luckily, was off work today) and we were talking when I got hit by a big wave of That Feeling ...which immediately led into a panic attack. It wasn't nearly as bad as the two that I had in January, but still...shaking, dread, the lighting and sounds of the room suddenly becoming creepy...and that damned sense that I was going insane, which in itself is terrible and terrifying. My DH held me while I cried and trembled and rambled until it finally started to ease off. I had to get out of the house, so we got into the car and drove to the beach and just sat watching the waves while I continued to cry. Then I had a seizure.
Immediately following a seizure, I need to sleep, so we went home where he made me a soft-boiled egg, and I went to bed for the rest of the day.
In short....another day shot, spent being out of control and feeling horrible.
And tomorrow....what, more of the same? How about Wednesday? Or Thursday? Or next week? I'm accomplishing nothing, and I'm spending my days, or most of them, it seems, feeling so horrible that all I can think about is my little self.
Gotta go. I'm off to my second therapy session.
Love to all, and thanks for listening.
Replies