FRUSTERATING

this morning i woke up and immediately felt anxious because i knew what the day was going to bring today. i have my support group today and we are having a memorial for xmas, hanging up ornaments on a xmas tree in honor of our babies. and tomorrow was joshs due date. so i needed to get my mind off all of this before my anxiety got worse. i sit down on the couch, turn on the tv, end up putting on deal or no deal. yeah, i guess today isnt that great of a day for me so far because all the women that were up there holding the cases were pregnant. i was just like, wow you have got to be kidding me. i feel horrible. i cant even begin to describe the exact feeling. the feeling is draining...completely exhausting. yesterday i bought ornaments for tonight. they are so precious. my boyfriend chas and my best friend josh, who is the godfather, are going to come with me tonight to support me and honor josh and everyone else who has lost their baby. idk...im lost right now.