Frozen in place

Every once in a while this happens to me. I'll stalemate over whether to do something or not to do something.

Ive been realizing too lately that I'll always be agitated and caught up in processing something and adding to the pile of wisdoms in my mental bookshelves.

Today I needed or rather wanted to write about just that. That I'll always be grappling with something as is the natural progression of life me thinks.

i didn't write about it at first. It was too soft and loving cozied up in the fluffy safety of my mind. It was a choice but not a good one. I can't avoid things because they are too uncomfortable I think. I won't create anything with that kind of outlook and attitude. I realized I had to talk about it, as when I did not, I started to go down another darker road of thought which gave a menacing alternative to the thinking and ideas.

Dark.

i reached a stalemate. I couldn't create something and i couldn't talk about it. I realized I had to do something. Be self responsible, I thought. And that thought gave me access for dealing with this issue of being frozen in place. Sometimes my resolve will come in the form of 'oh why not?!' It can seem so many things including ourselves can talk us into a place of inaction.

I definitely need to talk to my therapist.

Memories of my mother are coming at me.