From this day on....

Okay, so about 6-8 years ago, I was on this site and it really helped me a lot.. Thought I went on and off of casino gambling, I still felt mostly in control.  I had stopped for quite some time.  Well - life changed a lot for me about 6 years ago... for the good in lots of ways.  Money is not the issue it once was, and I have been going to casinos 1-3 or 4 times a year with friends.  Well, recently I got bit by the bug again, and went two weeks ago.  Found I still enjoyed it and I was up on a machine, but followed the same pattern as in the past... we know how that went.  Well, today was two weeks, and I found I had a ticket and had to use it or lose it.  So... I ventured out again, even though the last time was not successful in keeping my winnings. 

I started off winning right away and went up to almost what I had two weeks ago!!!  Inside I was thrilled and excited, but something happened mentally along the way and it ended in disaster once again.... I feel terrible, and unmotivated at home after that performance.  Noone knows right now that I did that.... so I am punishing myself over and over again mentally. FEELING SAD, BUT READY TO START A "NEW DAY" TOMORROW...

I realize the monster lurks inside of us and can come out at any time, even if we feel we have it under control.... So - from this day on....