From last night
This was written last night: I'm at home now, in my room.
It really is a weird feeling being here -
my life doesn't look like anything I would have imagined
but I think there's kind of a strength to that -
not sure. Like I don’t need the image to make life complete but I would also like to be surrounded by a beautiful room with nice things and it’s a strange thing to accept life that appears so fringe. But it is authentic. At a certain point we all have to accept our lives. It is as it is for now, and hopefully some day new things and people will come into. Sometimes I feel full- ish but also yearn for more, how ungrateful I must seem. For who I am I am safe and well protected. Do a lot of us have this pull and tug?
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that particular pull and tug is the mechanism behind my frequent flier psychosis. my perfect life is somewhere down the road. destination further to the tune from stevie wonder (among others), there's a place in the sun where there's hope for everyone. . .
not once has the reality matched the imagining, not even when i managed to surround myself with all the things i imagined in my beautiful room with nice things. my dreams come true kept turning out to be lessons in being careful what i wish for.
i have found far more serenity in working with what god sends me. some days i even suspect the old geezer really can see around corners i don't even know exist. s/he might even be more creative than i. maybe. . . i'm not quite ready to let go of THAT trophy.
Thank you so much Arfie!! Beautiful awesome wisdom!!!
My thinking lately is that I don’t care what I have or have not - I just need to know it’s healthy.
that's a good outlook Nikki!
Yes being grateful every day is a necessity