Friday Nov 17th....early evening

this writing is live from inside my brain.  where else would it come from?  not my closet, not a drawer, not a mouse hole.....not an ant hill.  inside a sillywilly bwain......

tired, hopeful......wishing for some glitter to fall on me from the shiny brass ring on the pretty carousel......can you hear the caliope playing a happy tune?

so far so usual.......swollen glands, stiffness....blah, blah, blah.  dinner was ok....rotini pasta in a light creamy cheese sauce with sliced up bits of delicious sauteed ham........and steamed cauliflower in a light butter sauce, followed by peach jello.  delicioso......it's dark out there.......i peer out and all i can see is a prism of lights on a light pole a street away......it feels like it's very late.  still adjusting to the time change.......

but how are you?  are you warm, comfy, safe?  are your jammies giving you plenty of room against any body aches or pain?  if not, burn them and put on something seriously comfortable........ok, maybe not burn them.  i agree that is a drastic move.....donate them maybe......that way you're 86'ing a pain source and providing a low cost option of nightwear to a thrift store near you.  help someone else find a goooood deal.  i have a bag of donations sitting on the table, it's a little more than half full......i have more work to do in that area.

i'm watching reruns of Law & Order Special Victims Unit......i didn't realize that show had so MANY episodes......379 are available via HULU and to the best of my knowledge this show is still running on primetime TV.  pretty amazing......this explains one of the reasons why Dick Wolf could afford to buy a very pretty piano from my son......lol!  so true.......it was over a year ago now when Sam got the call that Mr. Wolf was in the market for a new piano and had sited one via Sam's work.  after it was negotiatied and sold it went all the way from Atlanta, Georgia to Montecito, California.  quite the journey.....

i chatted with a mother/daughter while out last.......the daughter around my age, the mother in her 90's, confined to a wheel chair.  primarily the daughter became very interested when she learned that i have fibromyalgia like her sister.  she questioned me at length.....it was very tiring.  but good......i suppose i got even more tired as i realized that once again this was not an attempt by a person to become friends, but a brain picking situation for this lady.  it's good to help and enlighten......spread information on this planet of ours......but so disappointing to pick up on her own personal reluctance to be a friend. 

why do i think this?  well......she said that as primary caregiver to her mom she can't spend time on the phone talking to anyone.  .....and yet we stood there talking for well over an hour live......her mother suffers with dementia but i noted that she picked up on the stories we shared, chuckled and smiled in the appropriate places......glad that her Mom was having a good day.  and Mom said isn't my daughter wonderful? so bright and fun to talk to?  i had to agree......

i don't know about the world i inhabit......maybe i try too hard? at one point this lady said i reminded her of former president bill clinton.....huh?  she explained that the more i spoke the more animated i became much like clinton did in his speeches.....she said she felt that i get uplifted/excited/happier while talking with others.  she said that she on the other hand feels the exact opposite...that she feels uncomfortable, anxious, overwhelmed..........so it may very well be that she suffers with a kind of social anxiety - is an introvert.......and yet while we talked and it was a very good exchange.  lively.....fun and so on, i never sensed that she was uncomfortable or any of those things......she told me that they have limited funds so getting out for them was primarily to see a different view than the old four walls and to talk to others.  as mom isn't very chatty she did the bulk of the talking.

maybe i make people uncomfortable?  maybe i'll never get past the way things are now.....?  the owls ladies are very cliquey too.....seems funny to say that, but they are not all that outgoing, welcoming to others in a sense that you can really get to know them......sara thinks that my being an anomaly age wise in this group is what makes it harder for me to fit in......maybe so.  they are a lot older than me by and large.

sorry for you know, rambling.....later i might pop some popcorn and find a funny movie to watch,  something to make it feel like Friday night.  so what's coming up next?

well......Sunday at 1:00 pm we're all meeting up at Aunt Martha's for Thanksgiving Dinner, than on Thursday there is another Thanksgiving Dinner at Aunt Carries'........can i just say how much I MISS MY FAMILY......as much as i appreciate being included in Sara's hubby's side of the family gatherings and my ex-hubby's family gatherings I realllllllly miss my own siblings, my own aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, yes really really miss them.  Iowa is soooo far away.

i wonder how many e-mails i have currently?  junk mail flies in like nobody's business.....every now and again i go in and studiously opt out of stuff and then it turns up again.  it's very frustrating......so many things to delete, so little time.

well now, let's see i've complained and then some......where is the joy and gratitude info?  my home is warm and comfy.  my jammies are soft and comfy......dinner was good, the tv is working, it's not too terribly cold and it's not raining.......ummmm, ok, here's a BIG  ONE for the gratitude/joy column........I KNOW Y'ALL.........that is priceless..........so priceless.

hidinginmy room, your pal, sparrow