Friday musing
I went on a series of errands today.
One of which was stopping at a salon to get
my hair cut.
I haven't been to a salon in years nor in public much aside from the job,
I felt the social pressure out there a bit
and so I was unprepared for the conversation. with my haircuttter.
I tried to be respectful of the hairstylist -this being
my first time with her - and not really being used to talking
aside from my conversations with folks here, my doctor or my family.
That being said, she zapped me with a lot of
incisive questions - and I answered honestly - just being
so out of practice of conversation like that.
At the end of the haircut - she took me to the
front desk and said to the cashier "Just a four!"
I walked away and took it as a sign of the times - I can't talk
to anyone I thought - but then I thought "that's her reality'
It's not mine - she doesn't know me!"
And then I thought of calling Shirley (my therapist)-
and then I thought of calling my Dad -
and I then thought to deal with it myself -
I grounded myself by using what I've learned here at the monastery, I started thinking of the saints and saint nina, specifically and how they
want us to live and behave in their sense of relationships - and it grounded me
enough so that i could back off of being so excited/upset
so that I wasn't tailgating the guy in front of me anymore.....heh
I came down to earth - and I couldn't wait to get back to the monastery.
I thought of the truth we grow up with - I thought about how Dad and family how they have held down 'this soaring kite'
and now on my own just having Jesus and the saints( like st. nina) to look to as truths to ground myself to
helped so much to do this and understand this grounding at long last.
and those relationships that the saints live in are of love and kindness.I feel like I can better love now!
I came home and felt energized and no longer susceptible to the small
barbs from others - but more clear about my own reality - and then I came home to
Blue - and his reality and living in correlation to his reality and that being our reality is my home! :)
here at least -
I love it here so much!! I can't wait till the Abbess comes home from Kansas!
Replies
my own social anxiety starts pressuring me at the mere thought of social interaction. social interaction with my 3 orphans is enough to get me agonizing over whether they are rating me as "just a four" on the parenting scale.
the therapy tools i use to address the phenom are allot like what you describe here. they work when i work them.
and more and more i believe the beatles when they sing, "all you need is love."
side note
a psycho weird which has formed in my broken brain is that each time i slide back into bitter meanness, the discordant brass portion of that song blasts into my brain, followed by the line for which the song is named. "all you need is love, love. love is all you need."
The “just a four” references what the cashier needs to ring up in their POS System as to the costs of the type of service of haircut you got. Trust me on that as I have built cash register options and how the work in commercial settings with customers.
I haven’t been to a salon in ages and have learned to cut my own hair from YouTube (hello unicorn cut!) but I do often remember feeling kind of ick about forced conversation with some. It’s a pretty superficial setting in ways so I would try to reframe it that way! We are often socially awkward at new salons and barbers!!!!
I have to admit I am inspired by the sense of community in other hair places I have been on a fly on a wall at. H used to take me to latinx family hair places and they were very kind to me, and i see the community of men in those places and barbershops too. Also in an African braiding shop I was at in Paris with my cousins as they had their hair braided. It’s a cultural thing that feels so empty in “white people” (for lack of simplified terminology of) “culture.”
(I had a horrible experience at a salon once from catty women that made me cry. It was like the song Devil’s Haircut by Beck.)
Draw upon wisdom from the good places Marko Polo. I’m not Catholic or have studied the saints but when I visit churches when traveling i am often inspired reading about the lives of saints.
I would say though that in the spirit of “grounding” oneself when dealing with the mental health stuff, it is a good practice to not try and perfect the practice that is life to strive for your own sanctity - but maybe follow their leads to reason in everyday situations close at hand? Does that make sense?
Sending hugs and noogies!!!!
And a spritz of Aqua Net for good measure. Hehe
Thanks Arfie and Nikki! I feel so lucky to be where I am both physically and virtually:)!!