friday 10;53 am.
feel pretty decent right now. love it when that happens.
i'm going through another cycle of self doubt, feeling like people in general just don't like me. this is not a very pretty quality .... but it persists in my head. i feel less than instead of equal too. why is this?
limited time out with others, a struggle since 2010 to make good friends to hang with that last.
i think there is hesitation from others.....there must be something that i'm doing or not doing......know part of it is that my health keeps me at home way more than the lifestyles of most of these other ladies......i tell myself chin up, square your shoulders.....my kids think i'm funny and fun to be around......but let's face it, the people i've reached out to a lot don't reach back very much. which leads me back in to that mental loop that i'm a downer, not the one they pick to be on their teams......gotta keep trying.
like right now, there is a yard sale close by, i'd love to be able to pick up the phone and say hey do you wanna go to this yard sale in an hour or two? it's going on until 5:30.......two sisters who talked their parents into letting them raise funds for college. or as they put it their hoarder parents lol! i so rarely go to yard sales these days........trying to remember the last time? last year sometime maybe? rarely go to thrift stores anymore.......but today this sounded like a chance to get out and treasure hunting through stuff from someone's attic, which heaven help me i enjoy doing!
kitchen is tidied, i'm clean and shiny.......got laundry going.......feel good about my progress thus far.....my voice is recovered for the most part, just a tiny bit hoarse when i try singing, but speaking is good. energy is up from recuping from the latest sinus infection....sleepy, but then i'm ALWAYS sleepy......tuckered and tired. can't seem to escape that. hold on to moments of joy ruthie, and try to keep busy so you don't have these negative thoughts weighing you down.
i think i'll put together a box of items to take to the church drive through food pantry. that would be a good thing to do in care of others ....people need to eat.
Replies
Yoohoo..me again. If I was over your way and you invited me, I would say yes. Many many moons ago..I developed a small business from collecting antique clothing and bric a brac etc from thrift shops and eventually from rag merchants in large ware houses in Brisbane. I had a small shop in Coolangatta which is just on the Queensland and New South Wales border. It is part of the Gold Coast , the Southern end, and right on the beach.
The shop was called "Lady Magnolia's Matchbox. This was way back about 40yrs ago...seems like another life time really. Anyway I was a thrift shop addict almost, and I found some treasures indeed. I once sold an old doll to a Sydney antique shop owner and the doll turned out to be a rare collectors piece worth a fortune. I sold it for $100 and didn't have a clue about the special German markings on its neck.
I loved antique lace dresses and hand beaded dresses. I had such fun. I often hand repaired dresses, even soaked things in lemon juice and laid them in the sun on the grass outside. Memories.......
There is nothing wrong with you my friend. It's a combination of some past traumas and ill health. Your self esteem becomes low...being constantly ill will do it. I have the same problem. You are actually a very intelligent, talented ,kind and loving human being. You have an amazing personality. It's just circumstances and mainly your ill health that interferes with relationships. I love that you open your heart and reveal your feelings. I admire your determination too. You really keep your life on track. You just need those besties...friends who are always there for you...whether you're up or down. I think the lack of those besties is common for so many people. It's hard to maintain an active social life of any sort really when we have so many sick days. Don't doubt yourself. Love yourself. You are fine just the way you are. I think it has become a rather impersonal world also. It's not natural..we are tribal by nature and it's so hard feeling like a lone little indian. I have a husband but strangely I feel loney so often..especially for girlfriends. Real bestie ones. I'm an extra sensitive person so I feel like a misfit so often around others. I put on a confident front but that heart connection that I need is not there. Anyway..... Positive affirmations are good. Gotta pep ourselves up hey. Bye for now Big bestie hugs.Di xoxoxoxo