Frenemy number 1, Part 3

If there's any lesson to be learned from this its to trust your instinct. Ive felt that C has seen me this way for a long time. The tone of her voice and the manner in which she's constantly shut me up was trustworthy evidence of that. But I kept making excuses for her. I kept saying that she didnt mean it, that she does so much for me, etc. I basically told myself all the things she gave me no credit for. In the convo she was like "why cant u just overlook a few things like I do with you." I told her that I tried my best to. She dismissed that and basically told me Im rediculous. She's just horrible. She's not a friend. Why do I keep doubting myself? Why do I keep thinking that maybe I did something wrong. I didnt. I couldnt have tried any harder. Im her punching bag. She's used me all these years to feel good about herself. I've just been a fucking chump this entire time. She's horrible. She really hurt me and then said outwardly that I have no right to feel anything other than thankful that she even took the time to deal with me. I should be thankful that someone as brilliant and amazing as her even allowed me to be in her life bc after all I am an extremily negative person and I am so hard to be around- I mean I should be thankful she even kept me around. Fuck her man. I'm really hurt and angry and resentful.

Im also hell bent on never allowing anyone like that into my life anymore. Like ever. Never. I dont deserve this. What bothers me the most is im actually entertaining the thought that I do deserve this. Like I did something in my life that makes me deserve this.